P31 Woman Magazine

2011-12-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

December, more than any other month of the year, is when we often presume that God’s peace and joy will be felt in our hearts automatically – simply because it is Christmas. Yet when the memories of hardships flood our thoughts, the light of the Christmas spirit can get snuffed out quicker than a candle in a whirlwind, making it a challenge to find a reason to celebrate at all.

I have always been known in my household as a “Christmas-aholic.” I begin playing my holiday CDs at the end of October, and as soon as the turkey is cold on Thanksgiving Day, I can be found buried in my attic, pulling out Christmas decorations. To say it is my favorite season would be a profound understatement.

However, 2011 has been a trying year for my family. It would probably rank as one of our hardest years ever. You see, my husband and I have walked through some difficult situations together. The ripple effects of the economic recession hit my husband’s company in full force, and we faced a new level of financial hardship. We have two teenage girls and one preteen boy living under our roof, so the stress and worry that comes from parenting can speak for itself! And to top it all off, the bad news broadcasted throughout the media every day can eventually become overwhelming.

As a result of those hard times my little light felt snuffed. I found myself desperately searching for the Christmas spirit that had once burned brightly in my heart. I began to pray and admit my feelings to God. He responded, saying, “Tracie, life IS hard. But My gifts alone are reasons to celebrate.”

God is right. Life is tough. John 16:33 says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (NLT). God makes it clear we will experience hard times, and who likes hard times? Yet, in the same breath, He reminds us there is peace in Him, for He has overcome the world.

God’s compassionate whisper prompted me to refocus my spiritual eyes on His gifts, instead of looking at life through my human eyes. Instead of only seeing the discouragement, disappointment and frustration of the past year, I began to consider all the blessings
I had experienced … not just tangible blessings, but intangible blessings as well.

Intangible blessings included witnessing my daughters come alive in their faith this past summer as they spent days and nights on mission trips and in worship experiences. Or seeing God work in my husband’s life and heart, intervening in our marriage in amazing ways.

I also experienced blessings such as my own increased faith as I surrendered to trusting God completely – even when I found it difficult to understand His plans and purposes.

In addition to what God was doing in my family, He also gave us three gifts found
in John 3:16, “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

God’s gifts include:

• the gift of God’s love,

• the gift of God’s Son,

• and the gift of eternal life.

These precious gifts are given unconditionally. All we need to do is open our arms and accept them with hearts full of faith and gratitude.

Despite the hardships we have endured over the past year, or the hardships we may face in the coming year, I’m counting the reasons I have to celebrate. The world can never take away the gifts I’ve been given.

If your light feels snuffed today, or if the memories swirling in your thoughts are squelching your Christmas spirit, the One who has overcome the world can help you overcome those feelings.

You can reclaim your Christmas spirit this year by remembering that December is not a time to celebrate the Christmas holiday. It is a time to celebrate Christ, and the blessings found in His intangible gifts.

That, my friend, is a joyous reason to celebrate.

Tracie Miles is a speaker and writer with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with her husband of 21 years and their three children. She loves spending time with her family, attending children’s ball games, writing, shopping, playing tennis and participating in any activity that involves being outdoors. She enjoys writing, speaking and sharing God’s love and encouragement with other women. You can connect with Tracie at www.traciewmiles.com.

Answered Prayer

2011-10-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

By Suzie Eller

As I held my newborn daughter close, I thanked God for the beautiful blue-eyed, wispy blond haired miracle. My next words were just as heartfelt. “Dear Lord,” I whispered, “please help me not mess this up.”

As far back as you can see in my family tree there are broken women. One generation after another handing down a battered piece of baggage, well-worn by time, as
if to say, “It’s all I’ve got to give. Here’s your legacy. Hope it works better for you.”

When I was growing up, my mother dug deep into that legacy. It simply wasn’t enough. Her first child was born when she was only 16. She married a man who didn’t treat her right. One divorce, a remarriage and six children later she struggled with suicidal thoughts and a plethora of emotional lows and highs. Some days were normal. Others chaotic and frightening. My mother’s brokenness was fracturing me.

In high school a friend told me God was real. Hurting, angry, distrustful, I wasn’t sure if it was true, and yet somehow God worked His way past my damaged heart. That day nothing at home changed, but everything began to change inside me.

A few years later I was a young wife and new mom. When I prayed I wasn’t asking God for a perfect home, but a family filled with laughter, a stable home, and a life saturated with His love.

He answered that prayer, over and over again. It wasn’t easy becoming the mom I wanted to be, but I discovered with God’s help it is possible to grow a new branch of your family tree.

Let Go of the Past

To be the mom I wanted to be, I had to let go of the past. It could either be an anchor that kept me stuck, or I could discover who I was in spite of the past. To let go meant I needed to forgive.

Forgiving the past wasn’t easy in the beginning. But if I truly wanted to give my children something greater, I couldn’t hand them a legacy of unresolved anger or hurt. Forgiving didn’t make the events of the past acceptable, but it did allow me to look at the events through the eyes of an adult, rather than a child.

Forgiving was a choice – one that I made often. Sometimes I forgave only to pick up the resentment again. Even after my mother began to heal, I still struggled. Each time I struggled, my Heavenly Father asked me to let go … of the hurt … of anger. With time, I began to see my mother through the eyes of grace. But more powerfully, I started living fully in the present. The past no longer weighed me down.

Unpack Your Legacy

When I looked in my tattered baggage I saw a legacy of alcoholism, rage, an inability to handle conflict, fear, lack of confidence, and so much more.
It was time to start unpacking.

First, I had to be honest with myself. Was I carrying a version of this legacy into my present relationships? One trait that ran in my family tree is that when times get hard, the women in my family “run, baby, run.” For my grandmother, the inability to handle conflict meant that she abandoned her children for a week or two at a time. For my mother, it was threats of suicide. For me? I brushed it under the rug. I avoided fights at all costs, even if the unresolved conflict loomed as large as a mountain.

A parenting or relational pattern may not be as damaging in the next generation, but if we allow any version of it in our relationships, it’s still an unhealthy legacy. I had to learn that even normal families have conflict and learn to resolve conflict in a healthy way.

Grace, Grace, Beautiful Grace

As I sat down to write “The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future,” my mother and I talked through every chapter. We sat side-by-side and she told me stories of her own mother and the effect she had on her. She shared how it felt to be a mom long before she was ready. She explained how she desperately wanted to be a good mom, but no one had showed her how.

It created a new chapter in our relationship as I viewed our story through her eyes.
For some of you, the things you went through as a child were horrific. In no way am I saying that it is acceptable, but often, even after a person has changed, we hold them tight in the fist of their mistakes.

Sometimes grace is reconciliation. Sometimes it’s foregoing the need to punish for the past. In some cases it’s keeping your distance (if the unhealthy patterns continue) as you pray for God’s best for that person. Whatever it looks like in your unique situation, the end result is compassion.

Fill the Gaps

There were serious gaps in my mothering and relationship skills. Parenting books helped. Watching other mothers whom I respected showed me new ways to parent. Not being afraid to ask for help was key, but faith was also a valuable tool. You see, God knows me best. He didn’t see me through the eyes of my past, but recognized all the qualities He had so tenderly placed inside of me from the very beginning. There were moments I went into a dark room, saying, “God, I don’t have a clue. Will You show me the way?”

In those moments He gave me much-needed grace. As I walked back into the role of mom to three young children, He let me know that while the past shaped me, it didn’t define me, or what He could do through me. That grace also revealed the type of mom I could be, with His help.

One year ago I held another beautiful girl in my arms. My granddaughter Elle was born a blue-eyed blonde, just like her momma. When I held her for the first time I couldn’t help but acknowledge that 28 years earlier a young mother’s prayer had been answered powerfully. As far back as little Elle can see all that she will find is a healthy family tree.

I wasn’t a perfect mom. I made mistakes. But my home was a place of laughter and stability. It was a home wrapped in God’s love. It’s still the place I love to be.

Suzie Eller is a Proverbs 31 Ministries writer and speaker. She is the author of “The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future.” She hosts a thriving group of moms at www.facebook.com/MomsTogether. She is a mom, wife and Gramma to the people she loves best! Connect with Suzie at www.tsuzanneeller.com.

To-Do Lists Never Satisfy

2011-09-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

by Glynnis Whitwer

By 9 a.m. this morning I was already overwhelmed. Deadlines loomed, laundry piled and my to-do list screamed. Two responses battled for attention:

1) Just start doing something on my list … preferably something easy.
2) Do something completely different, like play solitaire.

When my panicked instincts take over, I become a micro-manager. Instead of bringing focus to my work, I shift and shuffle the tasks before me.

Thankfully, I’ve got a deeper river of motivation: my priorities. It’s how I stepped back this morning to a place of simple, calm focus. Does it always happen? No. Sometimes I jump into the fray with both feet. Usually those days end with me shrugging my shoulders and wondering why nothing got done. It’s like going to the grocery store, spending $100 and having nothing for dinner.

Planning my day based on God’s priorities for me gives me a much greater sense of peace and purpose. My days can still fall apart, but they are less frequent.
Although there’s satisfaction in checking items off a to-do list, mundane work can easily fill our days. Then we find ourselves looking in the past, wondering where the time went. Weeks, months and years fly by, “If only” sprinkles our conversations, and we establish patterns of regret.

Can we know God’s will?

The Bible makes it clear we can avoid this type of reactive life and know God’s will. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Based on Scripture, we can know God’s priorities for us. However, there are two conditions:

• Not conforming to the pattern of the world.
• Being transformed by the renewing of our minds.

The pattern of this world will obscure God’s priorities for us every time, because it creates a self-centered life — one in which we consistently choose the ways of this world. That typically means following our own desires, regardless of whether they line up with God’s desires.

Ephesians 2:1-3a explains in greater detail:

“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts.”

We live among parallel kingdoms constantly in a spiritual battle for our hearts. When we weave between the two kingdoms – choosing between the ways of the world and God’s ways – our hearts are divided. A divided heart always faces confusion.

Years ago my own life reflected this conflict. Even as a committed Christian, I didn’t understand the need to seek God’s will above my own. For years I pursued priorities that took me further spiritually from where God wanted me. My inner struggle resulted in frustration and annoyance, which often spilled out onto those I loved.

Outsiders might have looked at my priorities years ago and thought they “looked” good. My resume included a career in public relations, serving on non-profit boards, leading ministries at church, singing on the praise team, and spearheading exciting projects. It was a full and productive life. Just not the one God had in mind for me.

My mind was stuck on me – my career, my plans, my needs. Apparently I needed an earthquake to get unstuck. Once that happened through a cross-country move, it didn’t take long to see the truth – about myself and my life. God sweetly began the process of renewing my mind, a process which continues to this day.

When I seek God’s priorities and not my own, renewing happens and clarity follows. Like a dancer who focuses on one point while twirling – I maintain balance no matter what swirls around me.

How to determine priorities

One way I evaluate if I’m living according to God’s priorities is to work through a set of questions. By taking the time to process them, I press the pause button for a few moments and reposition myself to a peaceful place outside the fray.

What can only I do?
What has God entrusted to me?
Am I a good steward of what I already have?
What has God asked me to do that I haven’t done yet?
What passion (or dream) has God put in my heart?

My questions always start with an evaluation of how I’m doing with the responsibilities I already have. If I’m neglecting the priorities God has given me, I’m not ready for new ones.

Once you have a clear vision for your priorities, don’t be surprised if it takes time to work it out. You may have to resign from certain responsibilities in order to fulfill others. Crafting your schedule to reflect your priorities takes prayer and ongoing revisions.

All this to say, it isn’t easy. To be a woman who lives according to priorities, I frequently check my motives. I choose to pull my heart back to a place of submission when I want to run ahead. I’m learning to wait on God’s confirmation of something rather than challenging Him to stop me. It’s a completely different way of thinking than I had 15 years ago. But it’s brought more peace – in my life and the life of my family – than any to-do list ever could.

Glynnis Whitwer is on staff with Proverbs 31 Ministries as the Senior Editor of the “P31 Woman” magazine. She is one of the writers of Encouragement for Today, the Proverbs 31 e-mail devotions, with over 350,000 daily readers. Her newest book, “I Used to Be So Organized,” was just released. Glynnis, her husband Tod, and their teenagers live in Glendale, Arizona. Visit www.GlynnisWhitwer.com or www.HerOrganizedLife.com to learn more.

A Simple Christmas

2010-12-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

by Sharon Glasgow

This past year our family encountered more financial hardship than ever before. We desperately sought God for answers and provision, and He provided both. While we listened for His answers, we believed He was telling us to rent our cozy home to in-training missionaries we knew needed an affordable place to live. We moved out of our house and into a one-room dwelling on our farm so they could move in.

This wasn’t our first choice for how God would provide. This provision included sacrifice and living differently than ever before. When our kids heard we were moving, the first thing they asked about was our annual family Christmas celebration.

At first, I too was concerned we wouldn’t have our home. But then I remembered Jesus left His home. He traded comfort for something that paled in comparison - all for a greater purpose. Jesus left the portals of glory, the very throne of God, the kingdom of Heaven, and the presence of His Father, to be born to a poor family in a common barn with animals. He wasn’t born to just any poor family, but one of the weakest clans of Israel. There was no pomp or pageantry when He was born; He had nothing but strips ofcloth to cover His body. Mary didn’t get to order her favorite meal after the delivery or have the luxury of a comfortablebed to rest in that night.

When they returned home, there were no balloons or people waiting to celebrate His birth. In fact, many in their small town thought Jesus was illegitimate.

As a young man, He never acquired wealth or reputation. He even considered himself homeless, with nowhere to lay His head. In His final days, He was rejected, mocked and tortured before being crucified. His entire life was one of sacrifice and obedience for His Father.

When I thought about everything Jesus sacrificed to come to earth, it made me embarrassed about my own expectations for a traditional Christmas. For so many years, I packed December so full I barely had time to reflect on the simplicity of the real story of Jesus’ birth. It’s a story of sacrifice and simplicity from beginning to end. Remembering the reality of Jesus’ birth and His God-centered life assured me our move was God’s provision.

The past few years have been hard. God has reminded me of a winepress. Repeated crushing is crucial to producing fine wine. Sometimes God allows us to go through repeated crushing to press us into His greater purpose.

This Christmas is different. We will set aside many traditions, such as a big decorated tree and gingerbread houses sitting in a row. Instead, we will celebrate Christmas more joyfully and humbly than ever before. We are learning that the hardest circumstances are often the things that push us into His greater purpose for our lives. To celebrate Jesus’ birth, we will go to the barn, scatter clean hay on the ground, read the Nativity story, eat a simple supper and thank God for what He has taught us this year about provisions and sacrifice.

Next year, Lord willing, we will move back into our house. As a memorial to what the Lord has taught us, we will once again celebrate a simple Christmas, focused on Jesus’ birth. Maybe we’ll light a candle, read the prophecies of Jesus’ birth and the Gospelaccount on the floor near a window. Maybe we will look out at the stars and sleep on the floor with few provisions or comfort. Maybe we will eat crackers and drink grape juice together in remembrance of
everything Jesus lived and died for.

May you and your family press into God this Christmas. May you experience His peace and answers. Though His provisions might come with sacrifice, when you follow God’s leading, they always bring you into His greater purpose.

Sharon Glasgow is a speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She a wife and mother of five beautiful daughters, she lives on a farm in Northern Virginia .

What Makes a Family?

2010-11-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

by LeAnn Rice

Thirteen years ago, I watched as a hospital bed was rolled into my living room. What an unlikely place for a bed. What an unlikely bed for my husband. Ron was young, athletic, my best friend, the love of my life and the absolute joy of our three-year-old son, Nick. How could this be?

Fragile days of hearing his raspy breathing became my “in between.” Life would soon be defined with the painful qualifiers of “before Ron died” and “after Ron died.” I hated that. I wanted to make these in between days rich with last conversations, last kisses and last memories. But Ron’s condition deteriorated too quickly and every “last” slipped by without regard to my desperate heart. Then I was alone.

Questions nagged. How would I raise our little boy alone? Who would play catch with him? Who would teach him to shave? Who would model a good husband and father to him?

Most people have a close support network … a soft place to land when facing such a loss. Not me. Physical distance separated me from my mother and in-laws, and differences in viewpoints created emotional distances with other family members. As a result, my landing place felt more like shards of glass. And it hurt.

Everything hurt.

Everything cut deeply with no concern for me being very alone.

Since then, I’ve walked through valleys I never thought I could survive. But I did. Finally, love for my son, Nick, helped me move on.

It broke my heart to think of spending holidays alone without family around. There would be no big birthday celebrations, and Thanksgiving dinner is quiet with just two. I missed the big traditional holiday celebrations. I even missed the noise and the mess. I didn’t want Nick to grow up without those memories. Clearly, we needed a family. But it wasn’t going to look like a traditional family.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned in those 13 years is that marriage certificates and blood relation are not the only things that make a family. Over the years, God sent people to fill the empty spaces in our lives and in our hearts. But I didn’t let them in easily.

When you experience a tragic loss due to death or betrayal, it is hard to trust again. I was certain that any investment of my heart would return void. But there was one thing stronger than my fear of being hurt … my fear of betrayal … my fear of loss. I was motivated by my love for a little brown-haired boy who needed godly male influence, and a loving family with whom to celebrate life’s events – big and small.

God saw our needs, and over time, brought different people into our lives, each filling an empty space left by death, betrayal or simply the physical distance of 2,800 miles. I faced my fear of being hurt again, and slowly cracked open the door of my heart to allow these amazing people in.
Somehow God created a family by knitting our hearts together. My small “family” consists of people who love each other unconditionally, support and encourage each other, sit beside each other’s hospital beds, hold each other accountable and share in every achievement, failure and pain.

Do we look alike? Not so much. But we do share the same heart. Thankfully, God has given me a soft place to land.

LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She and her son, Nick, make their home in North Carolina with their very high-maintenance cat, Angel (name not appropriate). LeAnn shares her life, laughs, family stories and yummy recipes through her two blogs: A Widow's Might and She Cooks.

To read more about LeAnn’s “family” the different ways God has filled the empty spaces in her life, and for ways you can reach out to others and create your own “family,” visit Proverbs 31 Ministries and click on Everyday Life.

Purses, Prayers, Priorites

2010-10-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

by Shari Braendel

A few summers ago I walked into a department store and saw the purse of all purses. Oh, let me tell you, this bag was the most amazing of bags! It was the biggest, grandest, most beautiful Coach bag I had ever seen.

I asked the sales associate to unlock it from its case. You see, this bag was so expensive and grandiose it needed to be put behind glass doors. The sales associate went on to tell me that she had just gone to a training class where they said if you were ever lost in the desert, this bag would certainly be all you would need! It could hold a small child if necessary, I am not kidding you! I was impressed.

For weeks, all I could think about was that purse. I would go to sleep and wake up thinking about how amazing this purse would look with my outfits. I even dreamed about it one night. One morning I was having my quiet time and as I was praying, I heard God whisper to my heart: “I don’t care if they GIVE you that purse, you can’t have it.”

“Excuse me, God,” I replied. “Did you just tell me I can’t have that beautiful, amazing, large purse that I might need if I’m ever stuck in the desolate, dry desert?”

“Yes, Shari, you cannot have that purse, even if they give it to you,” God answered.

I was dumbfounded. Why would God care if I had that purse or not? Then I understood. I was spending more time obsessing about that bag than obsessing about Him.

A few weeks later, I was speaking with a woman outside a church when I heard God instruct me to give her my purse. Another conversation ensued.

“What?” I said.

“Give her your purse,” He answered.

“But God, I like this purse. You said I couldn’t have the other purse, and as a matter of fact, I just cleaned out my closet and I have two other really nice purses I can give her, but not this one, okay, God?”

“Give her your purse.”

Now mind you, this entire conversation was going on in my head as I was attempting to have a conversation with her. I excused myself, went to my car, dumped the contents of my purse in the back seat, went back and handed her my purse. “God told me to give you this,” I said.

She burst into tears and told me she was a single mom with three children, and couldn’t afford a new purse. When she discovered my expertise in fashion, she had hidden her purse on the chair next to her because it embarrassed her. Here I was, giving her a purse that looked like new to her.

God knows me and purses, and obviously wanted to teach me a few lessons. To do so, He used a couple of them to drive the point home. I often say purses are my Jesus love language! It must have been the other woman’s love language, too, because He certainly made her happy with one.

About a month later, I received a phone call from the manager of a local department store. She told me to come by the store because they wanted to give me a gift. You guessed it! She told me I could choose any handbag in the whole department!

Now remember, God had told me I couldn’t have that particular Coach bag, EVEN if someone gave it to me. So, I took my husband along to guard the Coach department so I wouldn’t be tempted! And guard he did. As the Coach sales associate was waving me toward her to see her beautiful bags, my husband told her, “I’m sorry, she can’t cross into this department; God told her she can’t have a big Coach bag!”

She looked at him like he had two heads and just shook her own. Isn’t God amazing? He didn’t mind if I had a purse, in fact, He didn’t even care if it was an expensive one. What mattered to God was that I had my heart right.

Shari Braendel, of Proverbs 31 Ministries, is the author of Good Girls Don't have to Dress Bad: A Style Guide for Every Women . This full-color style and fashion guide is the first of its kind in the Christian marketplace. Shari helps you develop your unique style by teaching you how to dress for your body shape, what colors to wear, how to find the perfect jeans and swimsuit and much more. For your free on-line color analysis, visit www.FashionMeetsFaith.com and find out what colors are best for you!

The Value of Time Together

2010-09-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

by Tracie Miles

“Our family is better than cable!” my son exclaimed from the back seat of the car. He laughed hysterically and flopped around in his seat, which made me laugh too!

When my son made this assessment of the comedic value of our family, my three kids and I were riding in the car. We filled our entire trip with laughter, jokes, silly stories and funny faces.

As odd as it may sound, some of our most precious times together are in the car. There’s something special about everyone trapped in that small space, and forced to touch each other. It seems we find ways to get along and spend quality time together. I love those pure, sweet family moments. At times like that, when life seems simple and carefree, my heart is full of happiness. Those are the times I am reminded how much of a blessing they are to me.

However, there also are “those times” when I have to remind myself of the blessings as I face over-flowing to-do lists, schedules, laundry baskets and mood swings from all said persons living in the Miles household. Those are the times when I feel underappreciated, fatigued and frustrated.

You know what I’m talking about - those days when you find yourself dreaming of escaping to a private island, with nothing more than an icy drink and a lounge chair. That’s when I become acutely aware of my need for God’s help to get through the day with love and patience, and keep my priorities intact.

Regardless of whether our family is having a wonderful or trying time, the most important thing is we are together. I believe time is the most precious gift we can ever give to our children.
Because we live in a society that thrives on busyness and over-commitment, it is harder than ever to make time for family. In fact, some families who love each other dearly spend very little time together, simply because they get occupied with working, doing good things or extra-curricular activities.

In other situations, families may be in the same house at the same time, but still not together. IPods, internet, television, email, Facebook, texting and cell phones are just a few of the distractions that keep us from focusing on meaningful togetherness.

Yet for some, family time seems like a distant memory. Life got busy, priorities shifted, children grew, and the pulls of daily life consumed most waking moments. The sad truth is the traditional American family is in crisis, and in turn, many families get caught up doing life for their families, and forget to do life with their families. Research has proven that dedicated family time, or the lack thereof, can make or break a family unit, and even something as simple as family meals in the evenings can have a huge impact on the security and happiness of a child or teenager.

Recently in my daily Bible reading, I came across Leviticus 23:10, where the Lord said to Moses, “… Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘When you enter the land which I am going to give to you and reap its harvest, then you shall bring in the sheaf of the first fruits of your harvest to the priest’” (NASB).

God spoke to my heart as I read that verse, gently reminding me of the importance of giving Him our best in everything we do, including our faith, marriages and families.

So I began to ask myself regularly, Am I giving my first fruits to God every day? Often, I hesitantly answered with an honest “no.” I had to admit there were plenty of days when I got busy, distracted or frazzled and fell short of giving Him my best.

Then, I took that same principle and asked myself if I gave my best effort to my family every day. Again, my honest answer was “no.” Although I always intend to make them a priority in my life, admittedly, there have been times when I have put others needs above those of my own family. Sometimes I have given my sweetest attitude to people outside my family, while exhibiting a lack of patience and tolerance with my own husband and children. Other times I have been willing to go out of my way to help someone else, but felt resentful when I had to do the same for my husband or children. There have also been times when I was just too tired from a stressful day to sit down and play a not-so-quick game of Monopoly.

God calls us as Christians and as parents to prioritize both our faith and our families, and not give our leftover energy, love or time to either.

Life is busy, but time is something we can never get back. We need to seize the moments in every season of our lives, and focus on how often we are giving that sweet, priceless gift of our time, ensuring that our best is given to God and the people that matter most.

No matter how busy our lives may be, time devoted to our families, regardless of our children’s ages, is time well spent. By spending time with them on a frequent basis, we are not only teaching them important life lessons about priorities, but we are giving a precious gift they cannot receive from anyone else.

And who knows, as you focus on spending more time together as a family, your kids might even begin to think that your family is better than cable too.

Tracie has been married to her husband Michael for 20 years and lives in Charlotte, North Carolina. Tracie believes motherhood is her highest calling, and her greatest treasures are her three children, Morgan, Kaitlyn and Michael. Tracie is a speaker and author with Proverbs 31 Ministries, and shares God’s love and promises to women’s groups across the country, inspiring women and teens to be passionate about God’s plans for their lives. You can learn more about Tracie and how to book her for an upcoming event at your church or organization at http://www.traciewmiles.com/.

Adjust Your Scale

2010-09-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

by Rachel Olsen

There’s a moment I dread when visiting the doctor for a check-up. It’s not putting on that tissue paper sheath-dress they mistakenly call a “gown.” It’s not having my finger pricked for blood tests – though I’m really squeamish about that, and have been known to pass out.

It’s the moment right after the nurse finishes her questions, grabs her clip board, and announces the doctor will be in to see me shortly. Pulling the door closed behind her, she leaves me alone with it.

I try to look away. I’ll stare at the clear glass jars of cotton balls and tongue depressors. I’ll flip through their six-month-old copy of “Better Homes & Gardens” – but I can feel its presence looming in the room. Like it’s staring at me.

I already know what it’s going to say about me because I’ve read it before. It’s going to say I don’t measure up. I’m not reaching my potential. I don’t equal my ideal. It’s the height/weight chart that defines the perfect weight for your height and gender.

It extends no mercy. It offers no grace. It makes no allowances for how old I am, how many babies I’ve birthed, or the fact that my husband can eat three plates of food every night – plus dessert – without gaining a pound. It demands perfection from my 5’2” self.

A few years ago I heard someone quote a verse that seemed to be the scriptural equivalent of the height/weight chart. It was a single verse with which to measure my worth and fuel my expectations for perfection. It was Mathew 5:48: “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

I figured this verse justified me dressing my family in matching sweaters, in the middle of July, to take the Christmas card photo because I’d just gotten the perfect haircut. I figured it warranted pricey tooth whitening treatments because I drink coffee and tea, and it shows. And I figured it would be my defense when I drove my family nuts about deep-cleaning the entire house because my new friend said she might stop by.

While the verse came in handy when I needed to justify my quest for perfect teeth, perfect photos or a perfectly clean house, it added to my disappointment, guilt and occasional loathing when my life, body or family didn’t match the ideal notions in my head.

In the years since first hearing that verse, I developed a core conviction that goes like this: If God created life, He alone gets to define it. That conviction drove me to discover what Jesus meant by “be perfect.”

When Matthew wrote this verse, he used a word that translates into English as “perfect.” But the ancient Greek word means something a little different than Mr. Webster’s definition. The Greek word is teleos, meaning “complete, full grown, developing.”

The first two pieces of that definition indicate something already accomplished, while the third indicates an ongoing process. So somehow, this perfection Jesus prescribes for us is both already complete and yet still developing. Complete in Him; still at work in us. So we’re allowed to be a work-in-progress.

All parts of this definition, however, refer to maturity of character, rather than a flawless figure, immaculate home or faultless execution of a job. Jesus urges us to bear His perfect image of love.

Truth is, Jesus doesn’t care quite so much if there is dust on our mantle, a stain on our teeth or a scratch on our car. He’s not worried if our children’s clothes don’t match, their toys aren’t organized or even if they get a “C” in calculus.

He is, however, interested in our spiritual maturity. Too often, God’s priorities and ours differ.

Jesus teaches that I will not find my worth in my ability to reach my perfect weight or accomplish my to-do list flawlessly, but in the fact that I am a child of God learning to give and receive love. I can weigh my worth on scales of grace.

That’s good news for a recovering perfectionist. As John writes in 1 John 3:18-19: “My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it” (The Message).

Adapted from the chapter “Adjust Your Scale: Revealing the Secret to Perfection in God’s Eyes” in Rachel’s new book “It's No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know.” Proverbs 31 Ministries is pleased to offer Rachel’s book for sale in this issue. Visit with Rachel online at her blog at www.RachelOlsen.com.

Someday is Now

2010-07-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

By Marybeth Whalen

There have been several surreal moments along the way to publishing my first novel.
I shared it with an author I respected and got tongue tied. There was the day I paused outside a Barnes and Noble with my publisher as she wrapped her arm around me and told me that a year from that moment my book would be on its shelves. Then, I received endorsements from other authors and realized they had actually read it, and had to shrug off the urge to throw up. I discussed my novel with my husband in detail after he read it, and reveled in all his questions. Then, I heard about the marketing campaign on a conference call with public relations professionals.

The truth is, I am not a person who does such things. I prefer my jammies to most any other article of clothing. I like hiding out at home and typing thoughts into my computer … but am not sure those thoughts should be displayed for others to read. I dreamed of being a novelist all my life, but really doing it? That seemed like a dream for someone else. At any rate, a dream for someday and not now. I hid behind the safety of “someday” for a long time. The word “someday” was a promise I didn’t have to fulfill, a risk I didn’t have to take … yet. I could put it off for as long as I wanted, yet still hold on to my dream.

I would have hidden behind “someday” for the rest of my life if not for God sending someone into my life who stopped letting me hide. One by one, she plucked out all the excuses I had to offer and urged me towards “now” instead of “someday.” She held me accountable. She accepted no substitutes. She urged me forward and didn’t let me languish on the corner of Self Pity and Apathy. She was my friend while being my taskmaster - continually refocusing my vision on the end result, admonishing me to keep my eye on the prize, even when I doubted a prize awaited.
When I met my friend Ariel, she was already pursuing the dream of becoming a novelist. She had done the hard work of writing a novel and was looking for a publisher, while I was afraid to write the first word.

Doubts and questions plagued me. What if my efforts were wasted? What if I failed? I would rather not try at all, than fail and admit my dream was out of reach. And yet, if I never tried I would never know. How could I bear to live in dream limbo, Ariel wanted to know? Just do it, she urged me. “If I can, you can,” was her refrain. When I look back, I see how much I needed her prodding, her unrelenting pep talks. It was the difference between someday and now.
My first novel, “The Mailbox,” is based on a real mailbox that sits on a desolate stretch of North Carolina beach. People come from all over the world to write notes to the Kindred Spirit and leave them inside the mailbox. It is a place that houses people’s dreams … words they hold close to their hearts and keep secret, sharing with no one else. It is fitting my novel centers around a place where people share their dreams, many for the first time. And yet, if they only leave them there and do nothing else, how far will that take them?

Do you have a dream you’ve been holding on to, keeping safe? Have you been hiding behind “someday?” Can I be an Ariel voice in your ear today? Stop putting off your dreams. Take just one step toward the passion God has placed in your heart. If you don’t know what that is, seek Him and let Him tell you. Listen to those things that make your heart beat faster. I believe God has called us all to live passionate, purpose-filled lives.

I believe He has an extraordinary plan for each of us. Your plan may not include writing a novel, but it might include leading worship, running a marathon, discovering something new, creating something beautiful. Whatever it is, don’t put it off. You don’t have to plunge headlong into it all at once. A small step every day is better than no step at all.

Someday is safe. There is no doubt about that. But someday is also boring. I am grateful God sent someone into my life who stopped letting me hide behind someday and whispered “Now.” An exciting adventure waited within that three letter word.

Marybeth Whalen is the wife of Curt and mom of six children. They live outside Charlotte, North Carolina. Marybeth is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and a regular contributor to their daily devotions, reaching over 350,000 people daily. She served as general editor of “For The Write Reason” and “The Reason We Speak.” She and her husband Curt co-authored “Learning To Live Financially Free” and her first novel, “The Mailbox” will be released in June 2010. Additionally, she serves as director of She Reads, Proverbs 31 Ministries’ fiction division. Marybeth speaks regularly to women’s groups and enjoys sharing stories from her daily adventures as a wife, mom, writer and, most importantly, a follower of God. You can find her online at www.marybethwhalen.com.

Please see the back page to order Marybeth’s latest book, “The Mailbox.”

Reframe Your Memories

2010-06-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

By Susanne Scheppmann

Mom, please give me the $50 for the prom photos. I never want to forget my senior prom. It’s the most important day of my life!” my son begged.

Fast forward ten years.

“Mom, I can’t believe you kept those old photos. Just tear them up and get rid of them!” he said.
Photographs are memories on hard copy. Usually, photographs remind me of times in life that I want to recall - those “Kodak moments.” I reminisce with the prom pictures, wedding albums and baby books. Time reverses to the paper moments I clutch in my hands.

What about those memories I do not want to recall? Of course, I can throw away a paper photograph (or use computer technology to erase a person out of the photo). But what about those pictures of life that pop into my thoughts unbidden? What about regrettable mistakes, sorrowful incidents and haunting words that flash through my thoughts without invitation? Something triggers the movie in my mind and the flashbacks begin to play in living color. I wish I could hit delete and be done with them forever.

Recalling Regrets
Over the years, I was held back from a deeper relationship with God by hauntings from the past. Both the hurts in life from others and my own mistakes hindered me. Because of painful memories, I kept God and His purpose for my life at a distance.

Mercifully, my memories do not affect God’s love for me. I am grateful for the Bible stories of people who endured horrible hurts or sinned terribly and God still asked them to follow Him. Moses is a great example. He murdered at age 40, but at age 80 he spoke to God through a burning bush, then led the children of Israel out of slavery. The Bible declares Moses a Hebrew hero.

Stories like these are for us to read when our troubling memories linger too long. Over the years, God has taught me three precepts to help reframe the negative memories that replay through my mind.

Reframing the Past
The first precept is that while I might dwell in my past mistakes and regrets, God does not. He transcends my past. Isaiah 43:18-19 encourages me with the Lord’s words, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:18-19). God invites me to step out of the wasteland of regret-filled recollections and reframe them with a new point of reference … His.

New Frame of Reference
The second precept is that the Lord has plans for my life. He assures us with, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). A hope and a future is what Moses received, although he never expected his life to take the twists and turns it did. Moses decided to stand with his face to God, and his back to the memories of murder. Oh, the memories were still there, but He chose to believe God’s truth of a hope and a future.

The Renovated Frame of My Future
The third precept is that my gifting and calling are still with me. Even though Moses had murdered, a colossal error, God still called him. Scripture tells us that Moses “was no ordinary child” (Hebrews 11:23). Neither am I; neither are you. We are special in the eyes of God. We are all His children – specially gifted and called. And for the sake of reference, let me state, “for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29).

God called me into ministry at a Christian youth camp when I was 17 years old. I was so excited and committed. Was I ready at 17? No! Was Moses ready at age 40? No. Did Moses’ act of violence prohibit God‘s calling on his life? No. Have the pain and sorrows in my life left me with a hopeless future? No.

Thankfully, God has not revoked the gifts and callings in my life. He hasn’t in your life either. Sin in our lives puts the calling on hold until we repent, then our gracious God forgives and proceeds to renew our calling. It may look different, but it will still be God’s plan to give us a hope and future with His irrevocable gifts and callings.

For myself, I remember the night I felt that I might still have the privilege of serving God in some type of ministry. I filled the bathtub and slid into it, reflecting on how it seemed God was calling me to lead a high school girls’ small group in my home. I plunged deeper in the hot water and excitement bubbled up as ideas blossomed like water lilies. I could renovate those past hurts and mistakes. I could use those ugly recalls as examples to help girls avoid the same mistakes I had made. I could share how to release the pain and bitterness of the past. My purpose and calling would begin with teaching others how to reframe broken memories.

We can each take hold of those old memories and learn to reframe the past. We can look at them with a new frame of reference – God’s viewpoint. And most importantly, we can renovate those past hurts and mistakes into a picture for others to witness the faithfulness of God in our lives. Let’s reframe those old negative memories and create a future of hope and purpose.

Susanne Scheppmann resides in Nevada. Her newest book, “Embraced by the Father: Finding Grace in the Names of God,” is now available for purchase. A speaker and author for Proverbs 31 Ministries, Susanne speaks and writes to equip women to find God’s peace, perspective and purpose in their daily lives. For more information, go to www.proverbs31.org.

When God Calls, Answer Yes

2010-05-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Luann Prater

“Luann, our station is missing a female perspective and we would like you to prayerfully consider doing a show for women.”

I’m not qualified, I thought, as I looked around. A stun gun could have produced a more lively response. Did they really mean me? Were they talking to someone else in the room?

As I agreed to prayerfully consider their request, the words, “I’m not qualified,” echoed in my head then burrowed into my heart.

Have you been there? Has a God-sized challenge ever stepped into your life and your first response was, “Who, me? You sure about that God?”

Take heart, one of the Bible greats shared our angst. We read about him in Exodus 3:11, “But Moses said to God, ‘Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?’” My heart felt compelled to read and re-read the Moses story.

Sometimes we just aren’t sure God is behind that burning bush or in that opportunity. We think He must have someone better in mind for the job. Moses argued with God. Moses couldn’t see the God-sized vision ahead so he repeated those two words that I’ve said myself, “What if?” What if I take this on and fail? Moses repeatedly told God all the reasons he was not qualified. And God kept reassuring him. Moses needed confirmation.

Although Moses spoke directly to God, we speak to Him through prayer. Maybe you think of prayer as a formal ritual, but God says to bring Him your cares. He says: Tell Me what worries you. I hear you. I see you.

As I left the radio station I prayed, “Lord, if this is Your will, make it clear to me. You know my life is packed. How could I jam one more thing into it? I’m sure there are more qualified people who would jump at this chance. Lord, I need confirmation.”

I told my husband. He looked me square in the eyes and said, “You didn’t open this door, God did. Run through it.” The next morning at church I told my pastor about the opportunity. He replied, “You said ‘Yes’ didn’t you Prater? You didn’t open this door, God did.” On Monday, I called Lysa, our Proverbs 31 Ministries president, because I wanted to be in line with the direction and calling of our ministry. She said, “Luann, this is an answer to prayer. We have been asking God to provide new opportunities for all our speakers. You didn’t open this door, God did.”

The confirmation was clear. My mind still raced with questions, “How? Who? What? When?” As I prayed about these anxious thoughts, God didn’t show me the entire road ahead, just the next step. He clearly laid it on my heart to first gather a group of ladies who would walk this journey with me. I sent an email to women across the country asking them to prayerfully consider joining the adventure.

At our first meeting, I told the ladies I had been praying that God would lay it on their hearts to know where they fit into this project. One by one, He placed just the right folks in key positions on the team. Sweet, soft-spoken Ramona whispered that God had laid it on her heart to be my Aaron. Holy goose bumps trickled down my arms. Had she been camped out in my head, or did God really orchestrate her to relate the same Bible characters to me?

One by one, steps of obedience followed intense times of prayer and fasting. The old saying is true, “You can eat an elephant one bite at a time.” Though it would be tough, it is possible. When faced with an overwhelming challenge that only God can accomplish, break it down into bite-size pieces. Develop a list you can follow in stages. Ask yourself reporter type questions: Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?

Enlist others to pray and help. Recognize when to engage someone gifted in the areas you are weak, and delegate key responsibilities to him or her. Bathe each task in prayer. Then march victoriously through the stages one at a time, knowing if God called you, He will guide you.

I won’t tell you setting up the radio show was easy. Sometimes it was just like an elephant’s hide! But God delivered the answers whenever we asked, and that is the key. He will never force His way into our plans, but He is faithful to come alongside us when we call. He is a full-time Father who walks with us.

Finally, all the pieces came together and today we are on the air every week sharing life with women across the country. Who knew? Only God.

God didn’t check the list of my qualifications. He didn’t expect me to have the answers. He was qualified. He had the answers.

Where is God leading you? Simply take the first step of obedience when He says, “Go.” v

Luann Prater is a wife, mother of three children, friend of two step-daughters as well as a grandmother. She runs a small business, is a real estate agent with Keller Williams and is active in her church. Luann has been with Proverbs 31 Ministries for almost 10 years, is part of the speaking team, and is a contributing author to the books “God’s Purpose for Every Woman” and “The Reason We Speak,” as well as the “P31 Woman” magazine and “Encouragement for Today” e-mail devotions.

Becoming a Woman of Strength

2010-04-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Zoe Elmore

Becoming a woman of strength has never been at the top of my to-do list. All that changed 18 months ago when I woke up one day overweight, overwrought and overwhelmed.

As I wrestled to pull on my slacks, I had a wake up call to sanity, and honestly, a little vanity. No longer could I blame the clothes dryer for “shrinking” all my clothes, I had to own up to the consequences of my lifestyle. For too long I had consumed too much sugar, too many processed foods, and too few fruits and vegetables. The only exercise I got consisted of running to the pantry for a snack. While this realization was hard to swallow, I committed to making some important lifestyle changes.

I began by transforming my perspective on loving the Lord with all my strength. The truth is, it’s not only a responsibility, it’s an act of worship. Romans 12:1 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, this is your spiritual act of worship.“ This verse exhorts me to sacrifice my desires for those of God. As I read this verse each morning I ask myself this question, “Will you worship the Lord today by choosing His desires over yours?”

“Working out” with the Word of God every day helps me do just that. Philippians 4:8 has particular meaning to me: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.”

This power verse challenges me to examine everything I put into my body, mind and spirit. Allowing God to renew my mind through Bible reading and prayer has caused a reshaping of every part of my life (literally and figuratively).

The next step in the process has been the most difficult for me – gaining strength in my physical body. Ugh! I’m just saying, this princess hates to sweat, I mean glisten! It makes my tiara slip!

Now I want to be very clear about the physical part of this process. My desire was not and is not to look like a model; after all I am a 5-foot-3-inch “fun size” curvy girl. The truth is, a strong physical body is not a vain thing, it’s necessary in order to complete God’s work for me. So how does a princess who hates to glisten begin?

I started by purchasing an inexpensive pedometer and clipped it on my clothing as soon as I was dressed each morning. It was my goal to walk 10,000 steps a day (that’s about five miles). You’d be surprised how quickly those steps add up if you park your car in the farthest spot from the office or store and take the steps instead of the elevator.

After a few months of walking, I added some weight training. I attempted a few women’s push-ups on my bedroom floor and fell face down into the carpet after doing only three. After months of practice, I can now complete more than 20 men’s push-ups without stopping. I lift weights three times a week and that has not only helped speed up my metabolism, it has also toned up those “angel wings” flapping under my arms.

In the last phase of the process, I began to adopt a lifestyle of “clean eating.” I removed all sugar, prepackaged and processed foods from my diet. Basically I’m preparing, not purchasing, the foods I eat. I try to drink eight glasses of water a day and getting enough sleep has been of great benefit as well.

From the spiritual to the physical, I have gone from overwrought to overhauled! Before I began this process, I could barely walk a mile without gasping for breath. I didn’t appreciate the spiritual importance of caring for my body, mind and spirit. I used to avoid physical exercise, and my craving for nutritious food was overshadowed by my desire for pre-packaged and over-processed sweet “stuff.”

My old eating habits left me unsatisfied and longing for something more. Eating clean has changed my food cravings and that unsatisfied longing for something more is a thing of the past. I’m now eating what I crave and craving what I eat (seeds, nuts, fruits, vegetables and lean protein). You might be surprised to know how satisfying nutritious, dense food really is.
This lifestyle is a life-long process and beginning each day with Bible reading and prayer to renew my mind is crucial to my success.

By doing the work of memorizing and meditating on power verses I’m no longer consumed by what I’m not. Instead, I’m focused on the work God is doing to reshape me from the inside out. Seeking God’s strength has transformed my focus and frame, and I’m now experiencing the satisfaction and excitement of loving the Lord with everything I have.

Zoë Elmore loves her life in Matthews, North Carolina, with her husband Tom, sons Joseph, Josh, and new daughter-in-law Kelsey. You will find Zoë perfecting her push-ups and polishing her tiara. She joined the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team in 2005. You can learn more about Zoë by visiting her blog at www.zoeelmore.blogspot.com.

For more encouragement, see the new health and well-being page of “Everyday Life” on the Proverbs 31 web site, http://www.proverbs31.org/.

One Simple Rule

2010-03-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

By Wendy Pope

Welcome to the Pope home. The day we took the photo for the magazine cover I was sick: not swine-flu sick, but like I had been run-over-by-a-truck sick. If you had come by our home prior to taking this photo, you would have found me in bed, not having bathed for days, wearing nose uglies, with a house that would make the folks from the show “Clean Sweep” blush. Fast-forward two weeks.

As I write this article I am healthy. However, the tops of my washer and dryer are piled high with clothes that need to be washed, have been washed or just need a place to stay. A sticky unknown substance covers my kitchen counters and tinker toys litter the playroom floor. And the planting bed in the front yard is missing shrubbery because our 9-month-old puppy destroyed them. This is normal in the Pope home.

Yet, even in this chaos, there is peace and balance. I don’t achieve that balance by keeping a well-manicured yard or a house free of cobwebs and dust bunnies. Rather, I achieve balance by setting priorities and keeping them. It is a state of mind that stays with me in the midst of a messy house and poorly-groomed lawn.

How did I come to this place? How am I able to sit in the middle of a mess and have peace? Jesus. Jesus is how. For over a decade, I have started each day the same way: in prayer and reading God’s Word. Spending this time every morning gives me power and strength to face whatever the day brings.

My morning date with Jesus has helped me set priorities for my life. Those priorities are God first, family second, followed by ministry and then friends. God has taught me one simple rule that when followed, keeps my life balanced: Say “yes” to God, “no” to self, and “maybe” to others.

Believe it or not, saying “yes” to God is the easiest part of this rule. His plans for me are good. He offers me a hopeful future. Having this knowledge brings peace in itself. I don’t have to worry, only rest in His leadership.

The second and third portions of my “life rule” are more difficult. Not because the Lord is demanding, but because I am selfish by nature and the little girl in me at times still cries, “What about me?”

Being in a two-parent working family, with two kids, and a puppy, there is not much time for “What about me?” This is where trusting in the Lord’s provision and care for me must be strong. It’s imperative to trust that He sees all I do and will provide what I need when I need it.

Saying “maybe” to others is one of the toughest challenges for me. Most women like to be useful. God made us with the desire to serve, love and care for others. We are gifted at multi-tasking, therefore believe it is possible to be PTA president, leader of the Cherub Choir at church, head of the local chapter of Meals on Wheels, and serve on the Community Beautification team. Learning to say “maybe” and then asking for God’s permission and blessing has brought me great freedom. There is peace knowing I don’t have to do it all.

Rules get broken, even simple ones. At times my priorities get “off-balance” a bit. For instance, when Karate demo team practice lasts two hours instead of one, and my daughter gets to her friend’s house late. When this happens, I go with the flow of life, ask for God’s help, and get through the “off-balance” situations one day at time.

Wendy Pope is married with two children. She’s the author of “Out of the Mouths of Babes,” is a contributing author for “God’s Purpose for Every Woman” and “The Reason We Speak,” and has been featured in the “P31 Woman” magazine. You can read Wendy’s devotions in “Encouragement for Today” online devotions, which reach over 300,000 daily. In 2009, Wendy led over 1,000 people through a daily study of the “One-Year Chronological Bible.” Join her in 2010 for another year of online Bible study by visiting www.wendypope.org.

Protecting the Oneness in Marriage

2010-02-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

By Melanie Chitwood

A perfect Saturday in the past would have included sleeping in, watching my sons play basketball, enjoying a meal cooked by someone else, and watching a ball game on TV. Over the course of this year, however, my idea of a perfect Saturday has changed. This past Saturday exemplifies what is now typical, and ideal, for our family. After watching our sons’ games, my husband and I spent the remainder of the day working side-by-side at our family-owned business. My husband Scott handled the various activities of the volleyball tryouts and basketball leagues taking place at our indoor gym, while my main job consisted of sitting by his side.

Could Scott have handled the day’s responsibilities without me? Absolutely. However, I’ve learned that working alongside Scott at our business is one way I can nurture the oneness God wants us, and every married couple, to experience.

In Matthew 19:6, Jesus says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate“ (NAS). God says a married couple becomes “one flesh” on the day they marry, and then they work out that oneness all the days of their lives. God intends husbands and wives to know each other and be known intimately in all ways, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

All the good habits we practice in marriage are like little stitches strengthening the fabric of oneness in our marriage. When the stress of life pulls against the seams, then we discover the strength or weakness of our marriages. If we’ve only sewn a few stitches, challenges will rip the seams apart. On the other hand, if we’ve spent days and years sewing small stitches in the fabric of our marriage, we’ll find that it will hold up under life’s pressures.

How can those of us who are married strengthen our oneness? Here are some practical ways to do this:

Consider your priorities. During our wedding ceremony 18 years ago, our pastor encouraged Scott and me to make time to date one another. At the time, I thought, Of course, time together will always be a priority! Eighteen years later, however, I know how easily other matters, such as jobs, kids, financial burdens, busyness, hobbies and stress can threaten oneness in marriage.

One way I determine if I’m living according to my priorities is to ask myself this question: Who or what is getting my best time and energy? It’s easy to say our husbands are a top priority, but we need to be honest about how much time and energy we really devote to our marriages. What are you doing to be your husband’s friend? Do you make physical intimacy a priority, or are you too worn out from other activities by the time you go to bed?

Consider your heart. Proverbs 4:23 cautions us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (NLT). Whatever is in our hearts will eventually be reflected in our actions. Our hearts must be first committed to God and secondly to our spouses. Ask God to show you anything in your heart that is a barrier to closeness with your husband. Has unforgiveness or bitterness toward him taken root? Have disappointments or frustrations spilled over to harshness or coldness? Spend time with God confessing your sins and asking Him to create a clean heart in you.

Consider your thoughts. If you’re like me, you’ve probably had times where you’ve rehashed your spouse’s hurtful or angry words. Or maybe you’ve compared your husband to another man and found your husband coming up short. These thoughts do nothing but tear away at the stitches of oneness between you and your husband. The truth is that you and your husband are both sinners in need of grace from God and need to extend grace toward each other. Be careful that you don’t dwell on the worst qualities of your spouse; instead remind yourself of the reasons you love him and say a prayer of thanks. Ask God to shape your thoughts toward your husband.

Consider your words. How do you speak to your best friend, sister or mother about your husband? Deter-mine to present him only in the best light. What words do your kids hear you speak? One of the sweetest things Scott does is constantly tell our sons how lucky they are to have me as their mother. That makes me feel loved, and in return I’ve become more aware of my words about Scott to our children and others.

Consider your actions. Jesus Christ was a servant who laid down His rights for the sake of loving others. How can you be a vessel of Christ’s love toward your spouse? Show your spouse your love by cheering him at his softball game, taking him to a movie he prefers, or having a good talk at the end of the day.

Prayerfully consider the various areas addressed here. Ask God to show you how you can strengthen the oneness in your marriage. You’ll be glad you took time to sew some stitches today, knowing that the fabric of your marriage will hold tightly against the pulls and pressures of tomorrow.

Melanie Chitwood is wife to Scott, co-owner of Carolina Courts in Charlotte, North Carolina, and mother to Zachary and Tyler. She is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, and the author of two books, “What a Husband Needs from His Wife” and “What a Wife Needs from her Husband.” To learn more about Melanie, visit her website at melaniechitwood.com.

Proverbs 31 Ministries is proud to announce the publication of Melanie’s latest book, “What a Wife Needs From Her Husband” just released by Harvest House Publishers. This book and its companion “What a Husband Needs From His Wife” are available for a discounted price this month. Please see the back page of the magazine for ordering information.

Adapted from “What a Husband Needs from His Wife” and “What a Wife Needs from her Husband.” Published by Harvest House Publishers.

Meet the Staff of Proverbs 31 Ministries

2009-12-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

Why would a group of professional women choose to sit behind donated desks, coordinate their schedules in order to share office space, and work for a lot less money than they could make elsewhere?

One thing; well, one Person … His name is Jesus. Working at Proverbs 31 Ministries is more than a job and a paycheck to our office staff. Each beautiful face on the cover of this magazine represents an answered call to serve the Lord through P31.

There is not enough space to recite all the ways these incredible women sacrifice their time and talents for God’s glory. Each day they lay down their lives for women they probably will never meet. Amidst the ring of the phone, soft tones of prayer, whirl of shipping books, buzz of events being coordinated, and clicking of keyboards, we wanted to introduce our gals to you and ask them, What do you like most about working at Proverbs 31 Ministries?

LeAnn Rice, Executive Director
The moment I walk through the front door, I feel God’s grace flowing through my sisters. I am loved, accepted and encouraged every moment of every day. These women radiate Jesus in everything they say and in everything they do, and I am overwhelmingly blessed to have them in my life, and honored to work beside them. Oh … Wendy’s chocolate chip cheesecake isn’t bad either! And then there’s Barb’s baked potato soup … yum!

Samantha Reed, Executive Assistant
The grace of God shown by each of my co-workers. It’s strengthened and sharpened me beyond my years. Each one lives out the character of Christ in special ways, and I am honored to walk beside them, serving the Lord.

Teri Bucholtz, Resources Coordinator
Blessed is the word that comes to mind. I think about the many before me who have given so much to this ministry, and they believe God has used them to minister to those “out there.” They don’t realize what they have done for us staff “in here.” Their dedication has given me a livelihood that is meaningful, worthwhile and full of grace and peace.

Wendy Blight, Speaking Ministry Assistant
Every week I look forward to Tuesday morning because it is my day to work in the office. Spending the day with these girls is like a breath of fresh air. We laugh, we cry, we pray, we share stories and struggles, and oh, yes, sometimes we work.

Melissa Taylor, Administrative Assistant and Prayer Coordinator
The women I work with! I am also passionate about the prayer ministry. It is a wonderful privilege to pray with people from all over the world and watch God work first hand.

Holly Good, Personal Assistant to Lysa TerKeurst
I love connecting with many women all over the world. It is a pleasure to learn how God is moving in and through so many lives. He completely amazes me.

Terri McCall, Project Assistant
Working with women who are faithful, have a heart for God and are true prayer warriors is an experience of a lifetime. God knew I needed it. I’m humbled to be a part of this ministry as I continue my journey to wholeness and serve the Lord alongside these beautiful, godly women!

Leah DiPascal, Personal Assistant to Renee Swope
I love working with an incredible team of women who are passionate about their relationship with the Lord. It is a privilege to play a small part in helping women to discover their calling in life.

Kristen Sigmon, Radical Revolution Coordinator
I can’t choose just one, so I have two. The ladies I get to work with – each one shows me a different side of God and inspires me to be a more godly woman. I also love seeing God use our ministry to make a difference in teen girls’ lives.

Barb Spencer, Speaker Ministry Coordinator
God has brought a special group of women together at the Proverbs 31 office. As we each use our gifts, He blesses and ministry takes place. It is a joy and a privilege for me to be a part of this team.

Wendy Pope, Development and Gather and Grow Coordinator
I love our response to a need for prayer. At any given moment, someone could call and need prayer. I know because I hear Melissa praying with them. If the Spirit moves us, we all may come together in an office and fall on our knees to pray, right in the middle of the work day.

From our heart to yours, Merry Christmas. Enjoy celebrating the reason for the season, the reason we serve: Jesus.

Pursuing Your Passion

2009-11-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

By T. Suzanne Eller

My father left home on his 16th birthday and lied about his age to join the Navy, escaping the poverty of his childhood. My mother gave birth to her first child when she was a child herself.

She’s smart beyond a diploma, but even in her early 70’s she still wishes she had finished school.

As a teen I dreamed of college while working as a grocery store cashier on nights and weekends. After graduation, I traveled by bus to another city to live on my own at 17. I was accepted into a small two-year college and won a scholarship for tuition. I worked two jobs during college to pay for room and board, determined to run after my dreams. From the outside looking in, it might appear that fate was my biggest obstacle. No one was going to hand me my dreams. While that’s true, it wasn’t my greatest challenge.

My biggest problem was I had not discovered my true passion.

Distractions or Destiny?

Has someone ever told you that God has a plan for you? Distractions might make you believe otherwise. As a girl, circumstances weren’t on my side, and yet that didn’t cloud God’s view of my life or my future.

Allison Bottke, an author and speaker, married young because she was pregnant. Her husband physically abused her. Later she aborted a second pregnancy. She divorced and sought safety from the abuse. When she became a believer, she took the lessons learned from those situations and reached out to women who faced the same things. They trusted her because she had walked in their shoes.

For the last three years I served as a community mentor in a program called Women of Vision. Along with several other women, I went into area high schools and mentored more than 400 freshman girls. My favorite was an alternative school for teens who hadn’t fared well in traditional high schools. One day I asked a class of girls to share their dreams. One stood, put her hand on her hip, and eyed me up and down. “I don’t have a dream,” she said. “I only have a fantasy.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“My dreams are fantasies because they’ll never come true.”

This girl was a 14-year-old mom. Boys had lied to her. Her parents had failed her. When I asked about her dreams she only saw my high heels and pretty jacket. Her instant response was, “What does this lady know about real life or my life?”

But when I shared my story, I saw the light come on. We became friends that day and she decided if I could do it, so could she.

Distractions? Or destiny in God’s hands? My obstacles shaped me and taught me as I overcame them, but more importantly, they allowed me to come alongside others in the same situation and offer hope. For Allison and for me, our circumstances and past shaped our core passions.

Determine Your Passion

“Your passion must be writing and speaking, Suzie!”

I love what I do, but if I were writing or speaking about municipal projects or real estate, I’d have zero enthusiasm. Writing and speaking are only vehicles that allow me to share my core passion. My passion is my belief system.

It is this message: God can redeem the stories of our lives, no matter what we’ve faced, or what we’ve been through.

This message plays out in everything I do. As a parent, I wanted to give my children safety, stability and a home filled with laughter. It became a vehicle for my passion. God redeemed my childhood as I learned what not to do, and how to raise three beautiful children with laughter and love.

This is the underlying message when I speak. It’s the core of my books and freelance writing, no matter the audience or topic. It’s not what I do, but who I am. If I had to walk away from writing or speaking tomorrow, I would still be a passionate woman of faith who trusts God to redeem the stories of our lives.

What is your core passion? What have the distractions taught you? How can you take those truths and live them out—no matter what you do? Answer this question and you’ll take a giant step toward pursuing your passion.

T. Suzanne Eller is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, family life and teen columnist and author, and has been featured on hundreds of radio and TV programs. She’s still in love with the guy of her dreams, and has three beautiful grown children and their spouses. Suzie lives in Tahlequah, Oklahoma where you’ll find her rafting down the Illinois River or hiking Sparrow Hawk bluffs.

Proverbs 31 Ministries is pleased to offer Suzie Eller’s book “The Woman I am Becoming: Embracing the Chase for Identity, Faith, and Destiny” in this issue of the magazine. Please see the back page for ordering information.

When the Mission Field Comes to You

2009-10-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Van Walton

I remember the hush that came over the lively Latin congregation where my family worshiped when I was a child. Heads collectively turned toward the back of the sanctuary. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him.

Bruce stood head and shoulders above the rest. Not only did he stand taller, but his blond hair, light skin and blue eyes drew attention. All eyes followed him as he walked down the aisle and sat in our midst one eventful Sunday morning.

Why did everyone stare in awe? Simple. Bruce did not look like anyone in the crowd of short, dark-skinned, brunette, brown-eyed Colombians.

My eyes joined the many others who curiously watched him while we stood to worship, sat to hear God’s Word, and bowed our heads to pray.

Almost before the final “Amen,” my parents moved toward him in an effort to welcome the stranger among us. Over lunch my little family of four – Mother, Daddy and two little girls, befriended a missionary extraordinaire.

Although we were not a missionary family, we found ourselves constantly involved in mission work during the years we lived in South America. My parents’ gift of hospitality filled our house with amazing people who had given up everything to bring the Good News of Jesus’ love to all – even “savage” tribesmen deep in the Amazon jungles.

Bruce’s work didn’t confine him to the Andean rain forest. He came often to the capital city where we lived. While in town he stayed with us. One evening over supper, my dad, with a sly twinkle in his eyes, casually mentioned, “Bruce is flying in tomorrow.”

He followed with another announcement: “He’s bringing a prince with him.”

“A prince? Which one?”

I asked these questions as if I actually knew a prince! But soon enough I did, as Bruce arrived and introduced us to his friend – the prince of a remote tribe who had never experienced civilization before.

Introducing us to a prince wasn’t the only escapade we shared with Bruce. He always arrived bearing adventure, mainly in the form of hair-raising and amazing stories. His tales rivaled everything I had heard in my short childhood, but most importantly they laid a foundation for my life.

The “pinkeye” story remains my favorite. After a certain mountainous tribe accepted Bruce, he realized most of the inhabitants in the village suffered with conjunctivitis. Although Bruce had medicine to cure the problem, he also understood that the local witch doctor was leery. So Bruce devised a unique plan to gain his trust.

He wiped his finger across an infected eye and then contaminated his own eyes. Within days Bruce contracted conjunctivitis. He gave a vial of erythromycin to the medicine man and instructed him to place the salve on his eye. Soon Bruce was cured. He then encouraged his newfound friend to wipe salve on the eyes of all the infected tribesmen. The witch doctor became a hero to his people and Bruce gained the confidence of the most important man in the village. Now a credible visitor, he could begin the long process of teaching the Good News.

This unusual story illustrated the process by which a disciple of Christ might open the eyes and hearts of those who had never heard about Jesus. Bruce didn’t realize his tale opened my eyes and my heart also.

Years later, we returned to the United States and resumed the life of a typical American family. I always believed I would return to South America and to the mission field. Time passed. Education, marriage, career and children became my focus. From time to time my background came in handy. I translated or helped various immigrant families in need. Still I wondered, When will I return to the land of my birth? When will I go out into the world? What I eventually realized was the world had come to me.

One day I was shoe shopping when I realized the saleslady was Latina. Amazingly, she was Colombian. We had a lot in common and we laughed about our similarities. Before long I realized my new friend was not the only Latina in town. Everywhere I went I ran into beautiful women with whom I could speak Spanish.

Over time a deep sense of urgency began to spring up within me to reach out to my Latina sisters. I wondered if they had access to Bible studies, retreats, special women’s events, resources, and daily devotionals like I did. I knew how my friends and I survived daily trials, and I wanted that for the beautiful women I had met and those I had yet to meet.

I began to pray, “God give me a platform to reach Spanish-speaking women with your truths. Show me how to give them what You have given me.”

Shortly after saying that prayer, a friend told me a local church had developed an ESL program. She asked if I was interested in teaching English as a second language. I said “yes,” and marveled how God answered my prayer by providing a group of Spanish-speaking ladies just blocks from my house. The twice-a-week meetings offered an hour of English, a 25-minute get-to-know-you coffee, and a 30-minute Bible study.

My next adventure took me to the local pregnancy care center offering obstetric care in Spanish, as well as in English. There Angela, another Colombian friend, and I developed a parenting class based on Christian principles. We met weekly to discuss “coming to America” along with child rearing. Often we veered off course for a few weeks to talk about marriage, matters of faith, and cultural differences. We celebrated American holidays so these new neighbors would understand and appreciate the historical heritage and Christian foundations of the United States.

Still, I longed for my Latina sisters everywhere to have access to the same Christian resources that kept me grounded.

And then the Proverbs 31 Ministries team took a leap of faith.

“Van, would you like to start up and direct a Spanish arm of our ministry?”

I marvel at God’s ways. Decades ago He opened my eyes through the “pinkeye story.” Now God was using communication gaps and unwanted pregnancies to open more eyes and hearts. He was using me and I didn’t have to travel halfway around the world.

The rest has been a journey of joy!

Van Walton is a Spanish and Bible teacher, author of “From the Pound to the Palace” children’s book, and speaker. She was born in Venezuela, South America where her daddy introduced her to the Amazon jungles and her mother exposed her to the Andean legends of the early pre-Colombian civilizations. Van’s greatest accomplishment and joy has been standing beside her husband of 38 years as together they watched their two sons grow into the men God created them to be. Van is a member of the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team.

When My Ugly Comes Out

2009-09-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Lysa TerKeurst

I couldn’t even blame this one on hormones. It was just too much, happening too fast, in too condensed of a time period, with too many people determined to get on my last good nerve.
I’ll give it to you in two-word snippets. And while I’m running down my list, see if any empathy starts to find its way to your heart. I’m convinced if there is one way all us girls are alike, it is in the reality that life ain’t always so pretty.

Computer crash.
Birthday forgotten.
Starbucks closed.
Whiny child.
Stained pants.
Pounds gained.
Feelings hurt.
Tempers short.
Dog fleas.
Pantry ants.
Throbbing head.
Interrupted nap.
Sibling spat.
Time out.
Messy car.
Gas prices.
Urgent errands.
No time.
Doctor appointment.
Waiting room.
Waiting room.
Waiting room.
Misplaced belonging.
Futile search.
Hand wringing.
Messy kitchen.
Chores undone.
Laundry piles.
Paper piles.
Dinner flop.
Sheer exhaustion.

Can you relate to days like this? And yes, all that and more happened on my birthday. And all the girlfriends sighed a unified, “Have mercy.”

I really wish I could put a spin on how I reacted to all this, to make it seem more godly. I would love to share how I smiled and remained calm and didn’t yell at those I love and didn’t pout about the forgotten birthday. I would love to be able to say I took the high road and handled everything with grace as I shined my little halo.

But I’m afraid only one word describes my overall attitude: ugly.

Since days like that are a reality, what’s a girl to do? Especially a girl on a quest to live out the realities of Jesus in the midst of everyday life … everyday life that sometimes gets quite messy, inconvenient, ill-timed and ill-tempered, I might add.

She heads to the pantry to eat her weight in chocolate pretending she’s never heard the word “calorie” before. Simultaneously she also calls her girlfriend who she knows will understand her slurred words despite all the smacking in her ear. And she huffs and she puffs just wanting to blow her whole house down.

Oh I do know that of which I speak.

No, I was so spent after my little ugly meltdown I didn’t even want to head to the pantry. I didn’t want to forget the word “calorie.” I didn’t want to call my friend.

I wanted help. Real help. Jesus help. I picked up my Bible and got really honest with God. “Help me in this moment. Please Lord intervene in my natural flesh response right now. Block me from acting how I feel like acting and show me how to diffuse my frustration and anger.”

There were no lightning bolts. No booming voices. No phone calls telling me of instant fixes. And there certainly was no sudden loss of appetite where chocolate was concerned. So I waited.

From across the room, I heard my computer make a sound indicating an e-mail had come through. Since it was the first thing that happened after my prayer, I decided to investigate. I opened the e-mail and sat back stunned. It was an urgent prayer request for the family of a fellow author and blogger. She lost her battle with cancer.

As I clicked the link to her blog, it was shocking to see her name with two dates listed below it. One was the date of her birth. The other was a date I’d written on hundreds of forms and celebrated with many a cake; my birth date and her going-home date.

Because a blog is like an online journal, I was able to read much about her life. Things she thought and felt before she got sick, and after the diagnosis came. There were vibrant pictures of her doing life with her loved ones. There were hard photos of her in a hospital bed with loved ones singing hymns over her. All things that had occurred during that little dash between the two dates.

As I kept reading my friend’s blog, I stumbled across an entry written by her daughter. In the entry she told of a particularly hard day where she grabbed the Bible and cried out to God in much the same way I had just minutes before. Only the Bible she grabbed was on a shelf beside her dying mother’s bed. Her mother’s Bible flipped open to a page with a blue sticky note citing this passage:

“Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” (Psalm 103:1-5)

I felt as if I was suddenly drinking living water from a fire hose. So many life lessons coming at me so fast. The biggest of them all was how easy it would have been for me to miss the answer to my prayer. I prayed for God to help me and to intervene in my natural flesh response. How easy it would have been to miss connecting the dots between my prayer and this e-mail. I suddenly realized that God is always present, always aware, always available and always actively participating in our lives if only we’ll make the choice to see Him … really see Him.

While my circumstances can still be frustrating and beg my emotions to get a little ugly, I know God is only a prayer away. The reality is that He is with me. All I need to sense His presence is to acknowledge it, ask for His help, and make the choice to praise Him despite my feelings.

Lysa is a wife to Art and mom to five priority blessings. She’s the award-winning author of 12 books who speaks frequently at national conferences drawing each listener into a unique adventure with Jesus. You can find her at: www.LysaTerKeurst.com where she blogs daily.

This article is taken from Lysa’s latest book, Bible study, and DVD teaching series, “Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl” being released by Zondervan this month. If you are looking for a fall Bible study for personal use or to use with a group, please see the back page or center envelope for ordering information.

Helping Your Child Overcome Disappointment

2009-08-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Glynnis Whitwer

I waited anxiously on the sidewalk while my seventh-grade son walked to the band room. Josh tried to act nonchalant, but I could tell he was excited. A letter awaited him, informing us of his acceptance or rejection to the school’s top jazz band. I held my breath as he returned holding a sealed envelope.

Josh prepared for weeks to audition for Jazz I. From the day he received the music, he rushed home from school to rehearse. Josh already had jazz band experience, as he’d played beginning jazz band in fifth and sixth grade. He was ready to move up.

However, there was only one spot for his instrument, the bass guitar, and Josh knew he had strong competition. At the audition on Friday, Josh was ready and played his best. After an agonizing wait over the weekend, Monday finally came, and with it the announcement of who made the band.

We both grinned as Josh ripped into the envelope, anticipation making us silly. Josh’s face told it all as he opened the letter to discover he hadn’t made the top band. Discouragement washed away the hopes and dreams of a moment earlier. He schooled his features quickly to reflect acceptance, but I saw the depth of his pain. As a gesture of kindness, the teacher said she would reserve his spot in the lower band if he was interested.

I forced a bright smile, told him I was proud of his effort and hugged him goodbye. Josh turned and walked towards his classroom with his shoulders hunched, and a slow step. Feeling hot tears burn my eyes, I quickly turned to walk back home before Josh could see the emotion threatening to overflow. My heart ached with sadness; not only for him, but me too.

I couldn’t stop the tears as I remembered the sports teams that had cut me, the high school play I didn’t make, the solo I didn’t get, and the recognition given to someone else. It was as if every personal disappointment flooded my memory, and added to the sorrow for my son’s experience.

When the sorrow eased, the unfounded anger came. Negative thoughts overtook common sense. If that teacher doesn’t think Josh is good enough for her top band, then he’s not good enough for the lower band. Maybe I should pull him out of band altogether. I hurt for my son’s disappointment, and I wanted to protect Josh from being hurt again. No child of mine should ever experience disappointment! In my overly-emotional state, I determined the only way to avoid disappointment was to avoid trying.

In the midst of my mental tirade, God spoke to my heart and reminded me His Son faced disappointment too, but that some things were worth persevering through. As I pondered that thought, I realized I had a decision to make that day. With God’s wisdom replacing a mom’s emotions, I looked again at my son’s situation. I knew this wouldn’t be the last time he’d be disappointed, and I determined to help him (and me) work through it, and learn from it. Once I had my emotions in check, Josh and I discussed his feelings about not making Jazz I.

We talked about how he should react to the boy who earned the bass spot. Josh decided to congratulate him sincerely. We discussed the teacher’s offer to play bass in the lower band. Although he would be with younger students, he reasoned it would give him good practice. We were able to get past our emotions and talk about how to use a disappointing situation to live out the things we believe as Christians. We chose to think affirming thoughts about all of the parties concerned, and then speak positive words. It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of discipline on my part to lead the discussion positively.

Josh had one more chance to make the top jazz band in eighth grade. Since my son loves music and has God-given talent in this area, we decided to prepare him for that last chance. Thankfully, he had a year to prepare for the next auditions. We knew Josh would be at a disadvantage trying out for the bass spot, since his main competition would have a year of experience in the top band. However, no one played electric guitar. Since Josh wanted to play guitar anyway, he determined to learn a new instrument. With three year’s experience playing bass and some private lessons, he transitioned easily.

One year later, Josh auditioned for Jazz I playing electric guitar. We waited another agonizing weekend and on Monday morning walked to the band room together. Another white envelope, another silly grin, another gut wrenching moment for me as Josh walked alone to read his personalized letter. Only this year, my son’s face showed a different response. His sweet eyes peeked over the envelope and his smile chased away all the fear in my heart. Josh had made the top jazz band!

While I can’t guarantee that every one of Joshua’s life disappointments will end the same way, I do know that he was much better prepared to overcome the next one. His mother is too.

Life is filled with little and big disappointments. Your child won’t be invited to a party, she’ll get cut from a team, and he may fail a test. The best training ground for dealing with disappointing situations is a loving home, with parents who will respond with kindness, will teach their children to learn from their mistakes, keep a God-pleasing attitude, dust themselves off when they fall, and try harder next time.

Jesus is the best model we have for persevering through life’s disappointments. In spite of the frustrations of dealing with human frailty, He chooses to love us, believe in us and see our potential. When our children face disappointments, we can learn from Jesus and not give up.

Glynnis Whitwer is a wife, mother of five and on staff with Proverbs 31 Ministries as the editor of this magazine. She is the author of “When Your Child Hurts” just released by Harvest House Publishers. Her other books include “work@home: A Practical Guide for Women Who Want to Work from Home,” and a Bible studies series entitled “Kingdom Living” co-authored with Brian T. Anderson. Glynnis and her husband Tod both work from home, are active in their church and live in Glendale, Arizona. Glynnis speaks to women’s groups around the country.

Proverbs 31 Ministries is pleased to offer Glynnis’ latest book, “When Your Child is Hurting.” Please see the back page of this issue for ordering information.

I am Not Alone

2009-07-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Whitney Capps

I sat at my computer and typed, deleted and then re-typed the same email at least three times. Did I sound too desperate, too needy? Surely things weren’t this bad. Maybe I just needed a little perspective. So I stopped and looked around.

Toys of a million varieties, parts and pieces were scattered across the playroom floor. My three-year-old and two-year-old were still in their pajamas. It was nearly 10:30, and I hadn’t yet changed Dylan’s diaper. They’d been watching television far longer than any good mother would let them. The newborn was crying. I’d stuck him in the swing because I just needed a break. I hadn’t showered in two days. At least I think it had been two days. I was in a time warp, so who could be sure? I knew I hadn’t changed clothes in as many days. My t-shirt and sweatpants were stained with the boys’ various bodily fluids.

Who was I kidding? Things really were this bad.

So I turned back to the computer screen and typed out as honest an assessment of the situation as I could. I needed help, and I knew just who to reach out to. I hit “Send” before I had the chance to let my pride veto my desperate cry for help. I wasn’t going to pretend anymore. I needed encouragement. I needed to know I wasn’t alone.

“Girlfriends, I am struggling. Life with three little boys under four is hard. Ryder is such an easy baby that I feel really guilty even voicing my weariness. And Cooper and Dylan are just little boys. I don’t really expect anything to be other than what it is right now. It’s just that right now is rather taxing. I know every stage of motherhood is.

My life is no more difficult than yours – you superwomen who do this daily with excellence and have been for years. That’s why I have started and stopped this email three times. I feel so self-indulgent to talk about how parched my soul is. I feel like I’m drowning in diapers, potty-training and breast milk. It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this spent. This is new to me.”

In a matter of minutes my inbox started filling with messages from some of the best friends a girl could have. I had asked them to pray for me, to tell me I was going to be okay, to tell me these days would pass. These amazing women came through in a big way, sharing some of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard and offering the kindest commiseration a new mom could want. I felt connected, accepted and loved.

For the next day or so these dear friends and sisters sent quick prayers and words of encouragement. With each one I read a new mommy-mojo went coursing through my veins. Using their words as my new mini-mantras, I changed diapers, wiped noses and unloaded the dishwasher repeating:

“I am not alone.”

“God’s grace is sufficient.”

“Do the next thing.”

Why hadn’t I done this sooner? What was I so afraid of?

I’ll tell you. I didn’t want them to think less of me. Would they see the real me, and still love me? My pride shouted “No!,” but my heart trembled “Yes.”

In the moments before I sent that email I felt utterly alone. In the days that followed, I realized the sisterhood of fellowship I had gained was totally worth the embarrassment of admitting my fears and failures. As it turned out, these dear women didn’t love me less for sharing; they loved me more.

Through their kind words, I learned not to love myself more, but to love Jesus more. I didn’t have more confidence as a mom. I didn’t feel better about myself. And I didn’t suddenly get to take a shower every day. I realized I am absolutely inadequate. I am sincerely overwhelmed. But I am not alone.

My dear friends did the best thing possible: they helped me focus not on myself but on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith.

As they promised to walk this journey with me, I discovered there’s safety in numbers. In the quiet of my head and heart, sometimes the voice of fear and condemnation drowns out the sweet whispers of the Holy Spirit. With a resounding chorus, these girlfriends shouted truth so loud it couldn’t be ignored. It was just what I needed.

And they didn’t care that I hadn’t brushed my teeth.

Whitney Capps lives just outside Atlanta with her four favorite fellas, ages 31, 4, 2 and six months. While her house is full of testosterone, she is prissy enough to balance out the bedlam. She joined the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team in January of 2008. Learn more about Whitney by visiting her blog at www.whitneycapps.blogspot.com. In July she is featuring a series called, "Mommy Meltdowns and Moments." Here you'll find encouragement and stories from the trenches with Whitney and other Proverbs 31 speakers.

Finances: A Love Story?

2009-06-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

By Marybeth Whalen

When my husband and I first got married, discussing finances was something best avoided. Money was a necessary evil, something to be endured when bill paying time rolled around, but not thought of much beyond that. I would have never guessed that 17 years later, discussing finances would become a major part of our love story. I could never have realized the value that would come from learning to talk about money, sharing our goals and dreams for our financial future, and becoming a united front in the never-ending challenge of managing our family’s money.

Does this sound impossible to you?

It did to me too, once upon a time. My husband Curt and I could not talk about money - even in the simplest terms - without a fight ensuing. We were drowning in debt and ill-equipped to approach money from a positive place. Fighting was guaranteed. I dodged financial discussions with all the finesse of a ballroom dancer: pivot, dip, glide. After all, if you can avoid the discussion, you can avoid the problem, right?

Not true. While we continued to avoid talking, our financial problems kept piling up. Finally one night in a dark car in a parking lot, we started talking in a way that wasn’t loaded with accusation, dripping with blame, or hedging on defensiveness. We were $95,000 dollars in debt, including multiple credit cards, two cars, and student loans we had carried our entire marriage. God met us in that car and began breaking down the barriers that existed between us, leading us out of our respective corners and into a middle ground. That night we began to work out a plan that would take us four years and a lot of commitment to see through.

During those four years, there were temptations to fall apart instead of coming together. We had to learn to work toward a common goal, walking the path laid out for us together instead of each going our own way and hoping we ended up in the same place. Learning to communicate about money in an effective way has been huge for our marriage. Here are some tips we learned:

Your spouse is not your enemy. Identify your enemy and focus on that enemy together as a team united by a common goal (Ephesians 6:12). Don’t let your enemy divide you and gain victory. When troubles arise, pray for a united heart, wisdom and clarity to handle the problem together.

Set regular times to plan, plot and assess. For Curt and me, that is usually on a lazy Saturday morning while the kids are playing and we sit in our kitchen over big steaming mugs of coffee. We have found that two heads really are better than one, and having more than one perspective is wise. I never fail to walk away from these times refreshed and hopeful over what God has done, and continues to do, in the life of our family.

Find ways to communicate based on your unique situation. Regular communication is necessary, but with six kids, ministry duties, and my husband’s demanding full-time job, that can be difficult. We have found it best to touch base about finances through emails. My husband pays the bills but sends me updates so I know how much remains in certain budget categories. While this doesn’t substitute for sitting down and talking things out, it is a realistic solution for our busy day-to-day life.

Reward yourselves from time to time with a fun date night out. Set reachable goals and build in some money for a sitter once those goals are met. Make sure you still have fun and talking about other things besides money all the time! This is a time to celebrate your accomplishments, not wring your hands about the future. These times along the way keep things fun and refreshed in your marriage and not “all business.”

When Curt and I go out on dates, it’s not uncommon for us to discuss finances for a portion of the night. We talk about what we have coming in and what we know will be going out. We talk about big expenses we need to budget for. We discuss any giving we plan to do, and how much we feel led to give.

One of the biggest changes in our marriage since we began this journey toward being financially free is that we really do feel free to talk about our money. It’s no longer a loaded subject we try to avoid. Surprisingly, it’s actually fun!

Most of all we love celebrating our successes together, forgetting not the benefits that have come from trusting God and surrendering our finances to Him.

Years ago, I would have told you finances have nothing to do with love. Now I know that money is a big part of our lives, and a big part of our love story. Getting in the ring and fighting for our financial future has united our vision. Learning to talk about money in a productive way has helped us learn to talk about other difficult situations. Knowing we conquered our mountain of debt together has made us stronger as a couple. And that, as they say, is priceless.

Marybeth Whalen is the wife of Curt and mom of six children, ranging in age from teen to toddler. The family lives outside Charlotte, North Carolina. Marybeth is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and a regular contributor to their daily devotions. She served as general editor of “For the Write Reason” and the upcoming book “The Reason We Speak.” She and her husband Curt co-authored “Learning to Live Financially Free.” Marybeth speaks regularly to women's groups and enjoys sharing stories from her daily adventures as a wife, mom, homeschooler, writer, and, most importantly, a follower of God. You can find her online at http://www.marybethwhalen.com/.

Surrendering Your Strongholds

2009-05-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

By Wendy Blight

Have you ever felt your life spinning out of control, and you didn’t know if you would survive another day? Have you felt like all you had in this world was ripped away? Have you experienced a physical or emotional pain so deep that nothing could numb the hurt?

On June 7, 1986, one week after my college graduation, an unknown armed assailant broke into my apartment, held me captive, stripped me bare, stole my perfect life, and walked away never to be seen again. My heart grew cold. I put a wall around myself, not letting anyone or anything penetrate it. I lived for years cocooned in a prison of fear, despair, and hopelessness.

I searched desperately for answers but found none. Though surrounded by people, I felt alone. I vividly remember one desperate night sitting on my bathroom floor, cradling a Bible in my arms, and crying out to God: If this Book is true, if You love me, if You want the best for me, and if You have a plan and purpose for my life, then You have got to show me. Because right now, I can’t trust You, and I don’t believe in You.

From that helpless place, something new began. God taught me that His incredible storybook, the Bible, is not merely a compilation of interesting stories. It is alive, written by His chosen ones to speak to us today. Little by little, God spoke powerful truths into my life. He also blessed me with times of great joy like marrying my college sweetheart, Monty, giving birth to my wonderful children, Lauren and Bo, and graduating from SMU School of Law. Though many of the truths I learned answered my questions and healed my hurts, I still lived with the practical realities of being afraid.

My battle with fear reached unmatched intensity when we moved from Dallas, Texas to Charlotte, North Carolina. It thrust me into unfamiliar surroundings and plunged me into a place of extreme vulnerability. Once again, God had His hand upon me. I joined my first Bible study, where we studied the topic of strongholds. Although I was unfamiliar with that word, our teacher defined a “stronghold” as any deeply rooted sin in your life that prevents you from growing in your relationship with God. She listed specific strongholds like bitterness, anger, pride, addiction and fear. Fear? When she said the word, a shiver ran down my spine. I was afraid. In fact, fear controlled my life. Could this be my stronghold?

As our lesson continued, I knew God had brought me to this study to bring me face to face with my fear. We learned about spiritual warfare. She taught about the invisible spiritual battle between the forces of good and evil that we all face. I am in this battle. She also taught us that we had powerful weapons with which to fight this battle and one was the “Sword of the Spirit” - God’s Word.

After Bible study that day, I put my son down for a nap. I was so tired of being afraid. I had lived with my fear for over a decade, and now I knew that it was keeping me from a deeper, richer walk with God. Tears poured down my cheeks, and I prayed, but this time instead of asking God to take away my fear, I asked Him to help me overcome my fear. Taking away my fear meant asking God to do the work for me. I knew God was calling me to be an active participant in the work He was about to do in my life.

I eagerly dug into His Word for the answers I longed to hear. Over the next few months, God taught me a powerful Truth about fear: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). The Bible is unequivocal. The minute I received Christ as my Savior, God sealed me with His Holy Spirit. The Spirit of the Living God lives inside of me, and in Him there is no fear!

I sharpened my Sword as I searched God’s Word for more verses on fear. This verse leapt off the page: “He will shield you with His wings! They will shelter you. His faithful promises are your armor. Now you do not need to be afraid of the dark any more, nor fear the dangers of the day; nor dread the plagues of darkness, nor disasters in the morning” (Psalm 91:4-6, Living Bible).

That verse spoke deeply to me because I feared the dark. At night, nightmares flooded my mind. I awakened terrified, fully expecting to see the masked man standing over me. I feared the day. Should I get in the elevator with that man? Should I park that far away in the parking lot? Can I let the cable man in? I was fearful 24 hours a day.

I took these verses and began praying them back to God. My greatest moment in this journey to wholeness and healing was when my husband left for a business trip and I found myself struggling with spending the night alone. I searched in closets, turned on all the lights, turned on all the televisions, and turned on the alarm. I called my friend to pray for me and forced myself into bed. As I lay there, I felt compelled to turn off the television. I fought the urge at first because I knew it meant I would hear every noise, but I succumbed. I lay there in silence, waiting ... waiting for the fear to come as it had done for 15 years. It never did. Instead, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and security! A feeling so foreign that I could not even remember the last time I felt it. In that moment, I had a vision of a wall of angels surrounding my house. After more than a decade of living locked inside a prison of fear, in one single moment it was gone!

I felt compelled to call my prayer warrior friend and share my miracle. When I finished recounting my story, there was complete silence on the other end. I did not understand. Finally, she spoke and her words brought me to my knees ... literally. She said that after I had called, she and her husband immediately prayed for me. He specifically prayed for a wall of angels to surround my home. I was astonished! His prayer was my vision. God wanted me to know that He and He alone was the reason for my freedom ... no rationalizations, no logical explanations. God and God alone accomplished this marvelous work in my life. His faithfulness, His goodness, His Word, His Truth and His power set me free!

Wendy and Monty, her husband of 20 years, live in Charlotte, North Carolina, where they are raising their two children Lauren (15) and Bo (11). In addition to being a wife and mother, Wendy is a Bible teacher, author and speaker. Before moving to Charlotte, she practiced law in Dallas, Texas for several years. Wendy’s book, “Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God’s Story,” offers the reader a step-by-step walk through God’s Word to find physical, spiritual and emotional healing.

The Blessing of Friendship

2009-04-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

An Interview with Lysa TerKeurst and Renee Swope

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up…” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

Hi, I’m Holly Good, Lysa’s assistant, and I’m also friends with both Lysa and Renee. This month we thought it would be fun to have some girl talk with the women behind the voices of our radio show. Whenever I have the opportunity to spend time with Lysa and Renee, our conversations tend to revolve around food, family, ministry, exercise, clothing and more food. We recently discussed their long-standing close friendship, which also spans many years of partnership in ministry. Here’s a bit of what they shared with me:

Holly: How did you two become friends?

Renee: In early 1995, my mom sent an article to me from the Charlotte Observer about a few women who had started a local ministry to encourage moms. My husband and I were newlyweds living in Virginia, expecting our first baby in May, and moving to Charlotte in July. Mom put a sticky note on it that said, "These sound like the kind of friends you need. I hope you find them when you get to Charlotte."

I needed a friend before we moved, so I decided to call information for the TerKeurst phone listing. After all, the article mentioned that Lysa’s husband owned a Chick-fil-A, and I had worked at Chick-fil-A in high school. Plus, she was also expecting a baby in May. I thought surely these were signs from God we were meant to be friends!

Lysa probably thought I was a lunatic, but she was sweet when I called. She shared her pediatrician’s name, suggested areas of Charlotte for apartments and encouraged me to call when we got here. That summer when we moved to Charlotte, we had lunch at Chick-fil-A and became friends over chicken nuggets, sweet tea and two adorable babies who were born just a week apart.

Holly: How do you protect your friendship?

Lysa: Renee and I have some understandings between us that have helped protect our friendship. One is the commitment to never speak dishonoring words about one another. Careless words crush friendships. I love and treasure Renee, therefore I carefully watch the words I use when talking about her. She can trust my words will build her up and not tear her down. I have this same security with her. It’s amazing how this can build a friendship.

Renee: Another commitment we made is to always believe the best of each other. If one of us does or says something that would hurt the others’ feelings, we’ve decided to recalculate our thoughts and emotions under the assumption that the other person loves us, is for us, and would never intentionally hurt us.

Holly: What’s an example of when you had to make this choice?

Lysa: Last New Year’s Eve, I invited Renee and her family over for dinner and games. She seemed hesitant. At first, I was tempted to believe she was waiting for a better offer to come along, which hurt. But I know Renee loves me and likes spending time with me. So, I made the choice to believe the best in her.

A few days later, she confided that she and her husband had been in an argument that very day about her making plans without consulting him. She wasn’t blowing me off; she was trying to honor her husband. Since he was with her when I called, she couldn’t explain the situation to me fully. As it turns out, her family came over and we had a great time bringing in the New Year!

Renee: It’s interesting that our decision to believe the best actually came out of a struggle in our friendship years ago. When I first got to know Lysa, I didn’t understand how she could do all that she did and be there for her family too. I thought she needed to be home more. I was projecting my expectations onto her and not believing the best. God really challenged me to trust Lysa’s relationship with Him and become one of her biggest encouragers.

What’s funny about that whole issue is that five years later God called me to do the very thing I questioned her for. Guess that teaches us to be careful about criticizing someone else, or we might find ourselves walking in their shoes just a few years later.

You know, believing the best about each other also helps us speak the best about each other, so these two commitments really go hand in hand for any friendship.

Holly: Any last words on friendships?

Lysa: Friendships are wonderful, but they take work. Just like every other relationship, you can’t stop investing and expect them to stay healthy. Honestly, I don’t have as many friends as my personality type usually likes. But, in this season of my life, I only have time to make the necessary investments for healthy friendships with a handful of people. Because of this, I can sometimes feel lonely.

So, when I feel this way, I take the initiative to plan some girlfriend time. Instead of waiting for others to invite me, I pick up the phone and make some kind of a plan. And hopefully, they won’t blow me off. Ahem. (Belly laughs ensue.)

Renee: One thing I’ve learned is that friendships change over time. Some friends are for a season. As our lives change, our friendships will too. Sometimes a friend may still be in our lives but the nature of our friendship changes. Schedules get full, one of you moves, or something makes it hard to spend time together. I try to make every effort to be intentional about keeping those friendship ties strong while also being flexible. When I find a friend who really understands me, encourages who God is calling me to be, and will walk with me (even from a distance), it’s worth every bit of creativity and sacrifice to make sure that friendship lasts.

Holly: Thanks for sharing your hearts and your friendship with our readers.

Overcoming the Fear Factor!

2009-03-01T13:13:00.000-08:00

By Micca Campbell

Worry, fear and anxiety were never meant to be a part of our vocabulary, and yet most of us worry more than we’d care to admit. What are you afraid of? Are you scared of waking up to an intruder in the middle of the night? Perhaps it’s flying on an airplane. Maybe it’s the fear of sending your child off to college. Your greatest fear might be not being able to provide for your family. Most of us can identify a few that haunts us.

Panic best describes the emotion I felt when the nurse rolled Jimmy into the living room. Jimmy was the father of my son’s friend. Beset with diabetes, doctors had amputated both of his legs and most of his fingers. Jimmy was at the end of his life, but refused to let go. Concerned about whether or not Jimmy knew the Lord, I phoned his wife, Juanita, and asked if I could visit him. I wanted to be sure Jimmy would meet his Creator as Savior when that day came.

Jimmy’s deteriorating condition took me by surprise. When I saw him, I was terrified. I whispered to the Lord under my breath, "Oh, God, how can I minister to this man when I don't know what he's been through?" Even though I was scared stiff, somehow I knew God would show up to do what I couldn’t … and that’s exactly what He did. As Jimmy and I talked, it was apparent he knew the Father, but I sensed there was more. We weren’t far into our conversation when I discovered the real trouble - Jimmy was afraid to die.

I told Jimmy Bible stories about God sending angels to people in need, people just like him. Those angels had a special message: “Fear not, for God is with you!” As I shared with Jimmy, peace washed over his face as he received the message for himself.

At Jimmy's funeral, his wife shared his last moments with me. Jimmy would often wake from his sleep wide-eyed and call out, "I'm afraid!" Juanita would pat him gently and remind him of God's promise: "Don't be afraid, Jimmy. God is with you." Then he would sleep again. The last time Jimmy opened his eyes, he just stared at the ceiling. His wife asked, "Jimmy, are you afraid?" Jimmy whispered, "No, I'm not afraid. I'm just looking at the angels." With that, Jimmy stepped from this world into the next.

I find it interesting that while Jimmy’s outcome didn’t change, the way he experienced death changed because he trusted in the promise of God. I experienced this same truth in my life. Even though I pleaded with God to save my first husband from death, it wasn’t God’s plan. Yet I chose to trust God’s purpose. In spite of my fear, I chose to believe what I couldn’t understand. Doing so changed the way I journeyed through life and the valley of death. I had a companion named Jesus.

Jimmy’s story reminds me that when I’m afraid, I need not fret because the same promise God made to Jimmy, He makes to you and me: “Fear not, child, for I am with you.” In fact, did you know that the phrase “fear not” is stated in the Bible 366 times? That’s one “fear not” for every day of the year, with one extra left over for those really hard days. Why does God faithfully remind us over and over to “fear not”? He does so because we are not created to live in fear.

Second Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” You and I were created to live by faith, and in God we have all the power we need for a faith that is stronger than all our fears.

It’s a Problem of Faith

The truth is, most of what we worry about never happens, but we insist on tormenting ourselves anyway. Worrying about what may or may not happen can nearly drive us crazy. A lot can go wrong in life, but God doesn’t want us to become worrywarts.

It takes faith to battle fear and learn to live with assurance in a God we can bank on. Unfortunately, most people go through life missing opportunities because they’re afraid to really live the way God intended. Fear becomes a stumbling block that leaves us with regrets. Relying on our faith allows us to live fearlessly.

False Advertisement

My youngest son loves chocolate milk. One day as I stirred syrup into a tall glass of milk, I noticed that the label on the bottle read “Genuine Artificial Flavor.” I was shocked! What appeared to look and taste real was actually artificial! I felt cheated and deceived. This was false advertisement.

In the same way, the father of lies specializes in false advertisement. He’s good at making our fears look real when they are not. In fact, Satan’s greatest tool for causing us to doubt God’s protection is the fear that God will not follow through with His promises. The enemy works hard to convince us that God is too busy to do anything about our concerns. If anything is going to be done about our situation, we’ll have to do it ourselves.

Like the legendary “boogeyman,” Satan’s spooks are all smoke and mirrors. We can easily expose his trickery by determining if there is really something to fear or if our concerns are simply…

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

This acrostic for fear is the kind of shock wave Satan uses to stun us. While the sting of fright feels real, in truth it’s merely Satan’s trickery that gets our heart pounding. It’s important for you and me to determine if our fears are real or simply Satan’s hocus-pocus. If it’s a real concern, I heed its warning. On the other hand, if my worry is false evidence that just appears real, then I know the enemy is involved.

You may be skeptical right now, but when you realize you were created for faith, not fear, things will begin to change for you. You’ll learn how to rely on God’s care while giving Him your cares, be able to identify His goodness and mercy in your life, and overcome your fears of loneliness and insecurity. Before you know it, you’ll be able to say along with Paul, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

Desperate Prayers, Divine Answers

2009-02-01T13:09:00.000-08:00

By Susanne Scheppmann

“Have you ever wondered how many of these prayers God has answered?” I asked, thumbing through the notebook I’d kept for years.

“Hasn’t it been amazing to watch God work in our families?” my friend replied.

“What’s your favorite answered prayer?” I asked.

“Hmmm . . . my son’s recovery from the methamphetamine addiction. No wait! The ordeal of Ashley—or . . . I can’t. There are too many. What about you?”

“My grandchildren are the best. With five years of prayer under our belts it’s hard to choose, but two of God’s greatest answers are my daughters-in-law. They’re a perfect fit in our family,” I said.

In a Family Way

Prayer has changed our families. On Monday afternoons, you will find my friend and me cozied up on a couch with a cup of tea, a Bible and our prayer journals. We have been awestruck by the answered prayers, even some downright miracles.

Our weekly prayer sessions began out of desperation. We each had two sons and one daughter. All six children needed divine intervention in some area of their lives. Between the two families we have battled:

-Methamphetamine addiction

-Immature decisions

-Homosexuality

-Career decisions

-Gambling addiction

-Adolescent rebellion

Desperation stalked my friend and me. Our strength diminished with each new crisis that our children faced. Finally, we realized our kids’ lives required divine intervention. We decided to pray together. We needed each other for encouragement, accountability and a reality check.

For myself, I find that concerns over my children magnify when I brood over them. Worry threatens to consume rational thoughts. I cast guilt upon my parenting skills and myself. My prayers experience paralysis. It seems as if my words fall like rocks into puddles instead of floating towards heaven’s throne. It feels as if God is ignoring me.

Find a Prayer-Friend

However, when I get together with my prayer-friend, I experience an uplift of faith; I know that God is hearing our entreaties. My friend gives me a reality check, keeping my feelings from overruling my faith. It is easier for me to believe His words: “They will not toil in vain or bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them. Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:23-24)

God answers prayer. Over the years, we have experienced miracles that could have come only through the hand of God. One son was delivered from a methamphetamine addiction and is now a gainfully employed homeowner. A rebellious, strong-willed daughter now displays compassion and understanding as she prepares to marry a godly man. Another son launched a successful career after years of floundering in indecision. The answers astound us. We have experienced the reality of Christ’s words, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20).

Do you want to be more consistent in prayer for your family? Would you like to squelch the guilt that mocks you during prayer? Do you need a fresh vision for prayers that seem delayed? If you answered yes, then I recommend a prayer-friend. Ask God to direct you to a friend with whom you can pray regularly for your children, your husband or any other needs you have in your life.

It’s important that you set guidelines for your prayer appointments. This is not the time to chitchat and catch up on the week’s events. Delegate the time to prayer. Share briefly the prayer requests, then pray. Record and date your prayers, so that you both have a personal record of the prayers and the praises for how God answers. And don’t allow discouragement to creep in and keep you from your prayer appointment - consider it a divine appointment.

Divine Delay

Not all of our prayers have been answered yet. Two of our children still walk in the darkness of immorality. They refuse to be part of our family. We rarely hear from them, but God hears from us. Although some prayers seem to go unheard, we wait and trust. A divine delay doesn’t deter us. We pray regardless of outward appearances because we have already witnessed the answers to so many other prayers concerning our children. We know He loves our children more than we do, and He is more patient than we are. The Bible says, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). He is patient with everyone and every situation. We’re the ones who become impatient and discouraged.

Regardless of whether God answers quickly or slowly, my prayer-friend and I will continue to meet, to pray and to wait. And we will rejoice and praise our Father in heaven for His divine intervention in our children’s lives. God hears our prayers. He hears yours, too. God hears our desperate prayers, and because He cares, He answers.

Dear Bathroom Scale...

2009-01-01T13:05:00.000-08:00

Lysa TerKeurst

You are no longer my friend. There are two fundamental rules to being my friend and well ... you've officially messed things up.

First, you have been saying unkind things to me lately. I mean, hello?! ... I visit with you every morning. I invest time in our relationship. I'm quite considerate of you. I work out and watch what I eat ... kind of. All I need is a few words of encouragement. A few, I tell you ... is that too much to ask?

But no, during our last month of visits you just keep being rude and flashing numbers that quite simply bum me out.

Second, you can't seem to keep a secret to save your life. Those two brownies I ate yesterday ... okay, maybe more than two ... but I asked you to keep that a secret.

But noooooo, missy prissy, you just had to tell the whole bathroom this morning about the upward movement of the numbers.

I really wanted to like you. But, alas, I think we must break up. I 'm moving on to bigger and better things.

No, wait, not bigger ... smaller and better things.

Yes, and if I ever find them, maybe we can be friends again. From now on, instead of standing on you, I will stand on the truth of God.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast the sum of them!” (Psalm 139: 13-17, NIV)

A note from Lysa…

Unfortunately, January has been tagged as the great weight loss month. Well, not like an official holiday or anything. But it is the month that women everywhere set great goals, hit the gym with a renewed passion and start standing on their scales with high hopes for low numbers.
None of this is bad. Goals are good. Getting in shape is good. Getting to a healthy weight is good. But take it from someone who has seen the scale go both up and down … our weight is only a measure of our outer shell. The scale can’t measure our worth.

No matter what you weigh, God sees you as valuable, lovely, significant and worthy.
And until we believe that we’ll never be satisfied. Even if we reach that ultimate weight and fit back into our skinny jeans. We’ll still feel restless and unsatisfied without Jesus’ truth being the only thing with which we measure ourselves.

For more encouragement, visit Lysa’s blog

Filling in the Gaps with Grace

2008-12-01T12:54:00.000-08:00

By LeAnn Rice

The first time I checked “widow” as my marital status on a form, I burst into tears. This just can’t be my life. It’s not supposed to be this way. But with my husband’s final breath, I went from being a happily-married mom to a widowed-single parent.

Before cancer entered our lives, Ron and I planned to have two or three more children. We dreamed of the days he would coach Little League and soccer, and we would spend weekends hiking along the trails of the beautiful Pacific Northwest as a family. When Ron died, so did our dreams for the future we envisioned together. I couldn’t imagine how I would care for the house and raise a child all on my own. Eleven years later, I am still trying to figure it out.

No matter what your circumstances, raising happy, healthy, godly children is challenging. As a single mom, it has been hard for me to find ways to spend quality time with my son while balancing the day-to-day responsibilities of home and work. Nick will always be my priority. While I would love to spend all our time together having fun, the reality is bills need to be paid, and the house will smell if dishes pile up in the sink. I know this from experience!

How do I get it all done? Well … I don’t. I simply do the best I can each and every day and trust God to fill in the gaps.

I didn’t learn this lesson overnight. The year after Ron died, I tried to be Super Mom, but failed miserably. Looking back, I have often wondered if God thwarted some of my efforts so I would learn to depend more upon Him. Nick never needed Super Mom. He needed me - a mom who tries hard, loves him unconditionally and knows she can do nothing without Jesus. When I let go of the things I couldn’t reasonably accomplish, God provided for us in ways I never could have imagined.

As for smelly dishes … I’ve learned to be creative when it comes to getting the necessary things done, as well as extra “tasks” that arise. Recently, when we needed to assemble furniture before out-of-town guests arrived, Nick and I tackled the project as a mother-son bonding experience. We ribbed each other over the silly differences between men and women. He had his way (the throw-away-directions manly way) and I had mine (the follow-directions-to-the-letter girly way). Switching roles more than once, his idea, we laughed so hard tears ran down our faces. We had so much fun it didn’t seem like work at all. Now I look at every task as an opportunity to connect with Nick.

Perhaps you are looking for ways to bond with your children while keeping up with everyday life. Here are a few practical ideas that have turned normal “tasks” into wonderful mother-son bonding experiences for Nick and me:

When considering areas to serve in the community, I choose opportunities based on where Nick and I can serve together. In a world where the media encourages self-serving attitudes, Nick is developing a heart for serving others and learning that some people have needs greater than ours.
Mundane tasks such as running errands are rarely fun. However, they provide great opportunities to catch up and connect. Some of our best talks happen spontaneously while driving from one stop to the next.
Preparing meals together is a wonderful bonding experience, as well as a smooth transition to conversation. Unfortunately, Nick doesn’t share my passion for cooking. So, instead of bonding over preparations, we transform meal time into memory-making time. Sometimes we eat our meal backwards (dessert first), have a theme dinner (picnic food, ethnic food, etc) or we eat everything with our hands (no matter what is on our plate).

Being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world, and I’ve made my share of mistakes. I consider myself successful though, as long as Nick knows he is loved unconditionally, and never feels second to my other responsibilities. As he grows, I don’t want him to look back and remember his mom was too busy to spend time with him. I want him to look back at his childhood, and remember the silly as well as significant stuff. I pray he also has learned how to find balance as a husband and father himself.

What's Wrong With Me?

2008-11-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

By Melissa Taylor

What is wrong with me? I’m 40 years old. I’ve lived long enough to figure out this thing called life. I’ve overcome so much from the past. I love the Lord and long to please Him. I have an amazing family. I am a part of an incredible ministry. I aim to be authentic and truthful. I desire to be a good wife. I aspire to be a better speaker and writer. Why do I feel this way if I’m totally trusting God with my life? My husband wouldn’t understand my inner feelings. Friends would never depend on me if they knew my insecurity. No one would read my devotions or invite me to speak if they knew the real me. Who can I talk to? No one. What is wrong with me? Help me Lord; I need help now.

One year ago those words spilled forth from a secret, honest place deep within my heart. Not an isolated season, they characterized many difficult phases of my life hidden from others. On the outside I appeared a happy woman, who has it all together. If you looked a little closer, past the mask, you might have seen the emotional turmoil brewing beneath the surface. I was good at wearing masks; telling others one story on the outside and covering up a completely different story on the inside.

My name is Melissa Taylor, and I suffer from anxiety and depression. There, I said it. What a relief to acknowledge and handle it appropriately rather than attempting to fix it alone.

Out of shame, I hid these emotions. Embarrassment hounded me. How could I struggle with this? After all, I was a strong Christian woman, teaching Bible classes, having a quiet time, and praying. Yet I couldn’t overcome the anxiety and depression. I knew I needed help, but was too prideful to ask for it. Well-meaning friends encouraged me with, “all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27, NIV). A strong Christian wife, mom, friend, speaker, writer and Bible teacher should not need help with her emotional state. She should be able to pray the problems away - shouldn’t she? Guilt lied to me, “Yes!”

So I prayed eagerly, seeking God to take away the panic and anxiety. Yet it continued to attack. For four years, feelings of unworthiness, helplessness and anxiety motivated me to quit speaking and writing with Proverbs 31, at least 10 times. At home, nervousness, tears that came far too easily, and thin patience revealed the anxiety within. As a result, we suffered as a family, and I wondered again, “What is wrong with me?”

I really needed help. James 1:5 promises, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (NIV). On the brink of a nervous breakdown, I cried out for God’s wisdom to lead me to help. He directed me to my doctor and counselor, and gave them wisdom to prescribe medication. Initially I strongly objected and tried other avenues like dietary changes, relaxation techniques, exercise, journaling, and other means. I made changes, but none of them took away the anxiety or depression.

Eventually, I relented and tried medication. What a difficult decision. I felt like a failure as a woman and Christian, but have since learned that is a lie. Medication changed my life, giving me the ability to unmask my emotions. I realize the church falls on different sides of this issue. Some adamantly disagree with relying on external aids, while others see value in coupling tools to administer healing.

I have a good friend who has dealt with depression most of her life. Her biggest critics? Christians. She wishes she could say to people, “Don’t judge my faith based on my depression. Judge it on my faith in God who helps me through His Word, His presence, His people and even science. The meds don’t matter or have anything to do with my faith. Not letting depression rule me is what counts.”

Another friend spoke of her depression, “Pressure to maintain the ‘Christian’ image was suffocating me. The scar I carry from this year of wilderness wandering is deep, but God has healed me. The darkness still calls and the battle is strong, but victory is in Jesus.” I couldn’t agree more. Victory is in Jesus, and I give Him all the glory and thanks for leading me to people who could help.

Treatment of my depression and anxiety is like a team sport. My “Head Coach” is the Lord. My “assistant coaches” are my husband, doctors, counselors and a few friends. The Star Player is me. I play by the rules set by my Head Coach, but I also take instructions from the assistant coaches and it’s up to me to carry out the proper instruction.

Today I stand here as a woman who praises the Lord for hearing her cry for help and leading her to greener pastures. I have taken to heart what Isaiah 43:1-4a says and personalized it:

“But now, this is what the Lord says - he who created you, Melissa, he who formed you, Melissa: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior … since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you …’” (NIV)

Yes, He loves me and I belong to Him. I’m not afraid or ashamed anymore. My name is Melissa Taylor, and I am a beloved, free and beautiful child of God. There, I said it! And I meant it too.

Embracing a Big World

2008-10-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

By Amy Carroll

I couldn’t get the premise of the movie out of my mind. My husband and I discussed it all the way home. If you created a list of things to do before your death, what would be on your list? “I want to visit every continent!” I blurted out. I sat and mused for several more minutes before I added, “I want to share Jesus with people on every continent.”

My grandmother says that I have wanderlust, and she’s right. At the age of 14, I moved with my family to England for a year during my father’s sabbatical, and I was bitten with the travel bug. If someone mentions a trip, in minutes I’m throwing my things in a suitcase. Driving past an airport sets my heart racing, and I keep my passport updated and ready to go.

In my college years, God started to refine my passion for foreign lands as He planted a deep love for missions in my heart that has never diminished. Some things have changed in my life, though. I have two children and a budget that doesn’t include trips around the world! However, God has been good to give me other ways to contribute to missions and Kingdom building throughout the world. These are ways that everyone can spread the Gospel internationally. Some of them don’t even require leaving your state.

Adopt a Student

Revelation 7:9, “After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb...”

The description from Revelation of standing before Jesus with people of every tribe and nation always grabs my heart. Beginning in my college years, I began to realize that my desire to reach people of every tribe and nation wouldn’t be as hard as I thought. Multitudes of men and women from other countries were right here in the United States pursuing degrees. I became involved in befriending international students and praying for opportunities to share my faith with them.

After college, my family reached out to international students attending a university near our town. The office that coordinated these students was eager to connect them with people who would introduce them into American life. The students were hungry for friendship, struggling with the language and far from their families. We built friendships with students from Malaysia, Japan and Pakistan.

One student, Ali, spent lots of time with our family. He even accompanied us to my parents’ house one year at Christmas, and we learned so much from him, too. After he cooked for us, I learned I can eat Pakistani food, but only with half the spice that a native uses!

Our friendship with Ali has had lasting results. I got an email from him several years ago that touched my heart. He had returned home to Pakistan to pursue a career, and the attacks of 9/11 had happened in the interim. Anti-American sentiment was running high in some areas of the Middle East, but Ali wrote to tell us that every time he heard someone speak ill of Americans, he told them of our family. He told them of how kind we had been to him, and how we had opened our home to him. I was humbled that God could use our flawed family to impact another’s world-view, and I prayed that the story of a Savior he learned that Christmas will continue to affect his life, too.

Many international students return to their home countries to become leaders in business, politics and education. They develop tremendous platforms and are trusted by the citizens of their countries. It’s amazing to me to think there is the possibility that Jesus can gain a platform through them if I’ll only open my home, cook a few meals and share my life and faith.

Train a Child

Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (NIV)

Financially sponsoring a child in a third world country has deeply impacted my family. We’ve found our child’s country on a world map, read about the culture and adopted the idea of eating a meal of beans and rice once a month. During our meal, we talk about the fact that Manuel, our sponsored child, is probably eating something similar. Our family prays for him and his family, and we write letters to build relationship. One night of eating beans and rice instead of eating out pays for our sponsorship, but more importantly, it’s changing our lives as well. Even though by American standards we’re not wealthy, my children have much. Child sponsorship is a way for us to focus on others in need and to put our own relative wealth into perspective.

Our Proverbs 31 Speaker Team had the amazing opportunity to travel to Ecuador last summer. In one area of crushing poverty, I sat at a school table surrounded by children sponsored through Compassion International. Looking into their glowing faces and sparkling eyes, I asked each of them what they wanted to be when they grew up. “I want to be a teacher,” one answered. “I want to be a fashion designer,” chimed in another. “I want to

be an engineer,” a child shyly added.

I couldn’t help but listen in wonder. In an area where many children didn’t even have basic necessities, Compassion had restored hope and built dreams in the hearts of these children. Their most basic needs are cared for so that they can follow Jesus’ call wherever He goes. Child sponsorship reaches not only the hearts of sponsored children but their entire family and into the next generation. Compassion International is a ministry that feeds children, takes care of medical needs, provides education and fills a child’s heart with the hope found only in Jesus. My family is blessed to join with them in ministry.

Be Willing to Go

Matthew 28:19, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...”

When It Rains, He Pours

2008-09-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

By Tracie Miles

I had begun to believe the old saying was true: “When it rains, it pours.” Doesn’t it sometimes seem that challenging situations happen all at once? As hard as I try to keep my eyes focused on Christ during these times, I still find myself getting bogged down with stress and drowning in a myriad of emotions. I cry out to Jesus saying, “Lord, why?” and “Lord, do you really understand how I am feeling?”

Recently I experienced a very stressful season in my life, when I was not only over-committed, but overwhelmed with stress. I had volunteered for a leadership role in my child’s school, which brought with it the impossible task of trying to please everyone. Others consistently challenged and confronted me, despite my dedication to do a good job. I began to feel less confident and fretted over people’s opinions of me. I allowed harsh words to hurt me and resentment began to build in my heart. At the same time, several of my family members were facing serious health issues. I worried myself sick over them as I fervently prayed for their healing. One of my children was dealing with a difficult problem with bullies at school. I was exhausted from the daily responsibilities of being a busy mother of three, wife, coach, church leader, speaker, writer, maid, cook, laundress and taxi-cab driver.

I found myself praying the same prayer every day, repeatedly asking God to “fix” my problems. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. I desperately needed to know that God saw me, and yearned for comfort and the reassurance that He understood my feelings. In the midst of the pity party that I had thrown for myself, God spoke two very important truths to my heart that I will never forget.

The first of these truths was a gentle reminder to pray for Christ-like joy and not rely on my circumstances to dictate my happiness. I began to recite Psalm 51:12 each day, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (NIV). It didn’t happen immediately, but it did happen. I gradually began to feel God’s precious joy returning to my heart. I realized that although people had said and done things to hurt my feelings, my battle was not with flesh and blood, but with the enemy. It suddenly became clear that I had allowed the ungodly actions of a few people to steal my spiritual joy, and God prompted me to seek joy in Him alone. He could have changed my circumstances at any time, but instead His desire was to change my heart through my circumstances.

The second truth was that Jesus did understand. I had been studying about a very stressful day in the life of Jesus that is so important, all four Gospels contain the story. On this day, Jesus awoke to a peaceful morning, which quickly changed into one of chaos:

He learned of the death of His dear friend, John the Baptist
King Herod was after His head
He retreated to the sea alone to grieve and pray
Upon returning to shore He found a celebration among the disciples and believers, encountering up to 25,000 hungry men, women and children
And later that evening, His disciples were frightened in a fierce storm in the sea. He walked on water to join them, and then invited Peter to walk on water. Unfortunately, as Peter took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. Jesus reached through the crashing waves and rescued him, despite Peter’s lack of faith.

Jesus began this day like any other, but faced many painful and unexpected situations. He was overcome with grief and felt anxiety for His own safety. He also felt loneliness, jubilation and crushing disappointment. Jesus was tired and overwhelmed. He was God in the flesh, and although His situations were different than those we may deal with in our everyday lives, His emotions were the same.

When you feel as if you have reached your limit and can’t make it through another day, know that Jesus understands. Our circumstances may be difficult, our lives may be stressful, and people may hurt us, but His joy and comfort are always available in great abundance if we keep our eyes focused on Him during the storm, and seek His unsurpassable joy and peace with our whole heart.

Romans 5:5 says, “And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us (NIV).” It may seem like it is raining stress in your life, but take comfort in knowing that God is always pouring His love upon you.

A Housewife Desperate for God

2008-08-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

By Karen Ehman

A peek into my life this weekend would find an average Midwestern mom going about the mundane tasks of life. I must catch up on laundry, which requires climbing the stairs a time or two. Later, I’ll get on my knees to scrub the kitchen floor, still dirty from last night’s impromptu teen taco party. After lunch, I will walk up our country hill to the mailbox to retrieve today’s correspondence. Then, this evening, I need to shop for some jeans in the ladies’ section at Wal-Mart.

Normal, ho-hum stuff, right? Well, not for this mom. I revel in these simple, ordinary tasks. For just two short years ago, performing these everyday actions was torture for me. While I was a Christian who had been taught that my body was the temple of God, I had so mistreated it through years of overeating and lack of exercise that I’d become obese, tipping the scales at over 240 pounds. As a result, I had several medical conditions that made walking, stooping and climbing stairs excruciating. And shop for clothes in the ladies’ section at a regular store? Impossible! Even a top-of-the-line, miracle undergarment could not squeeze my body into normal size clothes.

I was a desperate housewife. I desperately wanted to just be normal.

While my appearance disheartened me, what troubled me most was the horrid medical condition in which I found myself: bursitis in my right foot, a torn meniscus in my left knee that would not heal and that made bending and straightening my leg tearfully painful, a cholesterol level skyrocketing over 300 and even occasional chest pains. To top it off, I had an embarrassing little issue called “female incontinence” that I thought was due to birthing large babies. My doctor corrected me, saying it was due to the excessive load of stomach fat sitting on my bladder. Gee, thanks, Doc. As with many aspects of my unhealthy state, I just chose to make a joke about it, claiming that my next book would be entitled “I Squeeze When I Sneeze and I Cross When I Cough: Life After Forty!”

My health, however, was no laughing matter. I secretly feared that if I did not do something, my husband would become a widower and my children would finish growing up without their mother in their life.

Desperate and at my wit’s end one day, I finally dared to trust God to do what He promised He would in His Word. I stumbled upon 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (NIV). I had read that verse dozens of times before, usually applying it to other temptations, but that day, it screamed at me. “Food! It’s food! When you are tempted to eat the wrong food or too much food or trigger foods that keep you eating all night, I, the God of the universe, will provide a way out for you. This temptation has seized you, Karen, and now it has a chokehold on your life. Nevertheless, I am faithful. I am ready and willing, as I have always been, to do my part. Are you ready to do yours? We can do this together.”

The next day I walked (okay, waddled) into my first Weight Watchers meeting. Eleven months later, I’d dropped over 100 pounds and seven dress sizes. I could troop up a flight of stairs without having my heart beat as if it were about to leap out of my chest. I not only could walk without pain, I could actually run on a treadmill. Yes, this couch potato ran her first nonstop mile at the age of 42. I burst into tears at the fitness center. Sure, I drew puzzled stares and inquisitive comments, but I didn’t care. My sweet Lord was faithful. He had provided ways of escape for me time and time again. He had performed an extreme makeover on my heart, physically and spiritually. As the icing on the cake (low fat, of course!), every one of my health conditions disappeared without any medication.

Now I can go about the routine business of being a wife and mother with much greater ease. I can take a brisk walk with my husband. I can toss the baseball around with my boys. I can get on the floor with my daughter and her friends as we attempt to do a Pilates tape without cracking up. And I can testify to others that the God of the Bible keeps His Word - to mankind in general, and to one Midwestern housewife in specific, who so desperately just wanted to be average.

Boys, Basketballs and Building a Gym

2008-07-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

By Melanie Chitwood

A year ago my husband Scott told me that he wanted to pursue his passion of coaching youth sports. He was already coaching for our community teams, so I thought this might involve more coaching on the weekends. I can remember thinking: If that’s where Scott feels God leading him, then I’ll support him.

While I pictured Scott coaching during his free time, Scott’s dreams surpassed anything I could imagine. When he told me he wanted to build a basketball gym, all I could think of was a slight variation on the line from the movie, “Field of Dreams,” If you build it, they will come. I shared this thought with Scott, while laughing at my cleverness and his crazy idea. When he didn’t laugh along with me, however, I soon realized that he was completely serious. So we started seriously praying and seeking God’s will. After months of prayer and preparation, we’ll open Carolina Courts, an indoor gym with five basketball/volleyball courts, at the end of this year.

When Scott first shared with me the dream God was planting in his heart, I should have known immediately that this dream wasn’t going away. Scott’s dreams are almost always big dreams, for that’s how God has wired him. And while this adventuresome spirit is one of the most attractive qualities of Scott, it’s also one of the most challenging ones to me.

You see, I am a woman who is not adventuresome. I don’t really like to be stretched or to step out of my comfort zone. I like to get life all figured out and settle in for some predictability. At heart, I like to be in control. However, God has used countless situations, especially those in my marriage, to help me become the woman He wants me to be, a woman surrendered to His plans.

God gave me opportunities early in our marriage to learn to surrender to His plans. When we first married, we prayed about Scott leaving the teaching world to pursue one of his passions of being a pilot. After many years of teaching high schoolers while pursuing his pilot’s license on the side, Scott became a pilot flying for US Airways. We moved to Charlotte for Scott to start this dream job, and for the first time I got to be a stay-at-home mom to my two young sons, Tyler and Zachary.

At first, the initial newness of everything fueled my happiness. Before long, however, reality set in and I didn’t handle that reality very well. My pilot husband traveled days and nights in a row, leaving me and two little ones in a city where I knew no one. The days were long and I was lonely.

I complained to God, to Scott, and anyone else who would listen. I told God over and over that my situation was too hard, that I wanted a partner, and that I hated being alone so much. I told Him I had dreams, too. How could I pursue them when all my energy and time was devoted to the home front?

Life wasn’t turning out the way I had expected, and I was resentful. In a nutshell, I was uncomfortable and felt powerless to make anything change. After all, Scott was a pilot, he’d be away, and there wasn’t really anything I could do to change that. I felt completely out of control.

I wish I could say that I quickly turned to God, that after a few months I learned to trust Him and His plans. But I didn’t. I complained and resisted my circumstances for years. About eight years into our marriage, I just became absolutely weary with our strife-filled marriage. I was desperate for our marriage to be one that reflected God’s peace, joy, and intimacy. Also, I did not want our two sons to grow up in a home of turmoil.

When I reached the end of trying to orchestrate my own life, I finally turned to God and asked Him, What do You want me to do? I am desperate for You. As I continued to pray and to read Scripture, the words of a familiar passage seemed to leap off the page and into my heart. It was Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (NASB). As I continued praying, crying, and confessing my sin, I surrendered: Lord, I’m ready to let You truly be in control of my life. I’m surrendering to You, Lord. I’m trusting You.

Since that day, I’ve had many more opportunities to surrender to God’s plans for me, and to embrace situations which haven’t been what I would have chosen or expected. Scott lost his job after only two years of flying and was out of work for six months. We had to sell our home, a home that I considered my dream home. Though I was disappointed, I was able to trust God’s plans, and not fear the future.

As our sons have gotten older, their lives have centered on boy things. Every corner of my home is filled with basketballs or Legos. This is not what I had imagined for my life; I grew up loving Barbie dolls, books, and the color pink. Again, I know the life I would have planned for myself would have been a very me-centered life; one that would not have stretched me or caused me to live in daily dependence on God. I can honestly say that I love this basketball and boy world and wouldn’t want my life to be any other way.

Since that day of surrender, I’ve also seen my dreams of writing come true. The first book I wrote is “What a Husband Needs from His Wife.” If anyone had told me years ago that I would write a marriage book, I would have laughed heartily. For so long I wrestled between telling God how to change my husband and asking God what kind of wife he wanted me to be. Now I see that all that learning was part of his plans for me, much better plans that I could ever have orchestrated myself.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned repeatedly in my journey with God is the lesson of surrender, and as I have, my heart’s desire has changed. More than reaching a specific goal or making sure my plans get carried out, the desire of my heart is to know the Lord more intimately each day of my life. Psalm 37:4 reads, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart”(NASB). I’ve learned to hold tightly to the Lord instead of my own ways. When I’m in that place where the Lord is my delight, it’s a place of surrender to the plans God has for me.

As our family is preparing for our new adventure with Carolina Courts, the surrender to God’s plans comes more easily and quickly. I’m able to pray: Lord, I’m not sure how this is going to turn out, but I’m sure of You. I’m trusting You. Lord, if You build it, they will come.

Revisiting My New Year's Resolution: No More Hissy Fits!

2008-06-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

By Lysa TerKeurst

It all started one morning when I was reading a particularly stirring verse in Isaiah. About half way through I spotted a nugget. Not of wisdom. But a literal nugget made of chicken. Yes, there it sat on the end table in my living room.

Right then and there I decided to do a little test. I left it just to see how long it would take for another human in my home to notice it and recognize where this day-old, unrefrigerated nugget of pieces and parts belonged. The poor little nugget sat hour after hour right in the middle of my den. It sat right beside Brooke playing with her cyber pets on Webkins. It sat through Ashley's cartoon fest. It sat while Jackson walked past it umpteen times making his grand plans for hanging with his buds. It sat while Art got ready for work and walked past it to have me fix his tie.

Not a soul noticed the nugget except me! So, I devised part two of my plan. I asked the kids to come and sit on the couch so I could take their picture. I purposely posed them right with the nugget. Look at my evidence people - just look!

To your left you'll see Ashley chatting away while the little nugget is close enough to hear every detail!

Jackson is posed right beside it. He even made a comment, "Look mom! There is a nugget on the table." I bit my tongue because I needed to complete my experiment. I needed to know: Is there another human who will feel compelled to pick up the NUGGET for Pete's sake? Whoever Pete is.

And then here is my little Brooke Caroline. But do you notice the little detail about her photo? The nugget has been moved! Moved I tell you!!! Someone flicked it just a few inches but never bothered to pick it up. Are you feeling my pain? It has been eight hours since the nugget was first discovered by moi!

So what is one to do with such pieces and parts that have been on display like this all day? Sometimes she gets all in a huff and demands to know who did this and why is it that no one but her EEEEVER picks up things like this … blah, blah, blah.

But on this day she remembered her resolution for this year: No more hissy fits!

So, through a nugget of chicken, she sees God’s nugget of wisdom. She decides to end her experiment and simply pick it up herself.

She then puts on her rose colored glasses that will surely transport her to places more tropical - where they don't even serve little deep fried poultry parts – and without having a hissy fit, she purses her lips into a most sincere smile and simply throws the nugget away. But not without taking a photo of the event so that her friends who have surely found nuggets in and around and tucked under and stuck to things, can relate and maybe even smile.

So that brings me to revisit my New Year’s resolution and examine how I’m doing. In the past, I have been known to throw a hissy fit, or two … or 200. But this year I have really made an effort to see the evidence of life in these kinds of mishaps. Yes, my children need to be more responsible. And yes, I am teaching them. But sometimes I simply need to get over things like this without the drama and fit-throwing.

I think my study of Isaiah is really helping that. "Forget the former things (like daily hissy fits); do not dwell on the past (even when it smells like day-old chicken.) See (Look for God in every situation and if you have cool glasses like these that my dentist let me pick from the prize box last week, they will surely help), I am doing a new thing! (God's abundance and my feelings of frustration are a perfect match.) Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? (God is available moment by moment with perfectly designed wisdom and perspectives for my every toil and trial.) I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Boy does that perfectly describe my soul when it gets all busy and dried up - kind of like that nugget.) Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV.

Raising A Godly Generation

2008-05-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

By Sharon Glasgow

Godly parents don’t always produce godly children. Raising a mighty generation is a God-sized task that we can’t do in our own ability. When I told my mom I was pregnant with our firstborn 25 years ago, her first words of advice were, “If you can channel all the energy God has given you into mothering, you’ll have a mighty generation of godly children.”

The “if” challenged me spiritually. I was a doer and loved the challenge of any job set before me. But foremost, I loved the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind. How could there be any reason to doubt that a loving, godly person would raise anything but godly kids? God used her words to show me I would need help with mothering.

The perplexity of raising godly children isn’t a new dilemma. In the Old Testament book of First Samuel, Eli battled with the same issues we do today. He was a busy parent, a stellar Christian, the chief judge and high priest over the entire house of Israel. He was the most devoted and tireless man of God you would want to meet. Yet, Eli’s children were horrible! His sons were corrupt; they did not know the Lord and were vile in the sight of the people of Israel. Not only was his family a wreck, but his priestly and chief judge duties were a mess too.

Eli’s problem is one we struggle with as well: doing too much at the cost of forgetting the most important things that God has called us to do. Eli’s ambitions were noble and good; his heart truly loved God. There was no evil intent behind anything Eli did. But he was so busy performing noble tasks that he failed to lead his family and the house of Israel spiritually.

Through the years God has convicted me through stories like Eli’s. God has shown me that to raise a generation that follows Him I must surrender my thoughts, plans, desires and time to seek Him wholeheartedly so that I can lead our children spiritually as my first priority.

My husband and I are self-employed. We work from home, and it’s difficult to keep boundaries in place that protect time with God and family. Keeping family time sacred is a daily choice that’s challenging. In the past 25 years, I have removed as many things as possible from my schedule in order to live what God has called me to live. I don’t volunteer for many things, I don’t answer the phone when the family is together, I don’t watch TV or surf the net. I don’t make cleaning the house a priority; there are often dishes in the sink, dust on the furniture and a ring around the toilet.

I want to make sure that I am available when the kids are home, that I’ve saved my very best energy for sharing what God is laying on my heart that day, and for listening to what God wants to say to each child. I want to make sure that I’m not too worn out to talk to the kids for hours. That’s where poor Eli messed up and that’s where I know I need to check myself daily. I tend to be a workaholic who can easily get caught up in the fast-paced cycle of life.

My husband and I have put effort into creating a home of godly inheritance. Our family spends vast amounts of time in the kitchen having deep spiritual conversations. Talks in the kitchen with the food and dishes all around us will probably be the greatest family memory - and the best spiritual asset - for our children. Not one day passes without us sharing truths from God’s Word and their spiritual analogies to our lives today. We talk about hard questions like: How do we know the Bible is true? How do we know there is only one God? How can we know if a religion is true or false? Why does God let bad things happen? Our kids are being spiritually trained; it is the priority of each day.

I’m so thankful that my mom challenged me 25 years ago to surrender all my “doing” for the cause of raising up a godly generation. I’ve never experienced anything as rewarding as the spiritual strength of our family.

One day our kids will all be gone, the house will be clean, I’ll answer the phone again, and I’ll volunteer for things I always wanted to do. I’ll go on that honeymoon with my husband, go on fun trips with friends and pass on the same advice my mom gave me to our children and their children. And the legacy will continue.

If Clothes Could Talk... What Would YOURS Say?

2008-04-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

By Shari Braendel

As I wait in the carpool line to pick up my son from school I look around and watch. Not at the children as they exit the school, but at the women picking them up. There's one mom in sweats and a big t-shirt with the school name plastered across the front. There's a woman hurrying up the sidewalk with a low-cut top and a skirt so short I'm concerned for the Headmaster to see her because not only should she be embarrassed but I'm afraid he will be, too. Then there's the sweet new teacher the students seem to love, but her jeans are extremely tight and you can see her underwear lines. Oh wait, there's Sheila, wearing that denim jumper again. You know the one that hangs on her like a potato sack completely disguising the fact she has a shape? And there's Helen who always seems so sad.

If your clothes could talk, what would they be saying to others about the way you see yourself? Are they telling the world you think you're sexy? Or perhaps the message your clothes project is one of “I don't care about myself.” Maybe yours are saying, “Don't look at me.” Whether you want to believe it or not, what you put on your body each day speaks a thousand words to those around you. You may not think your wardrobe has anything to do with who you are, but that's where you're wrong.

When God first prompted me to speak to Christian women about fashion I was excited and nervous at the same time. I couldn't believe He wanted me to use my knowledge of the fashion and beauty industry to minister to women in the church. But in His ever so gentle way, He showed me that many women don't like the way they look so they try to cover it up by wearing clothes to mask who they really are.

When a woman doesn't feel confident about how she looks on the outside, her real beauty is disguised. We know that true beauty is an inside job, but when you feel the need to dress in a manner that doesn't adequately describe who you are on the inside, you send a mixed message.

The woman in the denim potato sack may be telling us she thinks everyone else in her family is more important, and “don't look at me.” Or perhaps she gained a few extra pounds over the last several years and doesn't know how to dress to hide her fluffy tummy. Helen's suit is plain, her hair long and pulled back in a pony tail and her appearance communicates to us she is depressed and tired. Even though she is a very feminine woman, she doesn't know how to dress to be feminine and compete in the workplace. And since she is trying to get that promotion, she wears plain suits because that's what she's always been told is the key to competing with the men at her job.

The young teacher might be trying too hard to be like one of the kids so she's dressing like them, but her appearance says “sexy.” Or she just may not realize that tight jeans are not appropriate for her new position and is still dressing like she did during her college days. The woman with the low-cut top and mini skirt is sending a message that says, “I am not confident turning 40, and I want to be young and in style.” She isn't dressing age-appropriate and it is shouts that message for all of us to see. Except on the inside she's insecure with who she is as a woman as she grows older.

God wired us to feel beautiful. The problem is, we have been deceived by the great deceiver himself into thinking we are not pretty enough, young enough, desirable enough or just enough. We have been so busy we have completely forgotten to take the time to even think about how to dress to reflect our inside beauty.

It's time to get real with your appearance. Inside and Out. It really is okay to look good, feel good and spend time on yourself. We are representing the God of the universe yet we look frumpy, tired and out of style. Come on, sistahs, look in the mirror, repeat these words, “I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful!” Then go to your closet and stand there. Consider what you are going to put on today. Don't just grab easy, comfy and quick. Take some time to consider what you feel good in. Put on a color that makes you sparkle. Go to your jewelry box and pull out an accessory you really love but haven't worn in awhile. Go shopping for a nice fitting pair of jeans and a trendy new top and buy a pair of cute flats. Step out of your comfort zone and give yourself permission to spend time on your outer appearance.

You are the daughter of the most high king ... it's time to dress like it!

Circle of Friends: My Very Own Peter, James, and John

2008-03-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

By Wendy Pope

Throughout my life, God has blessed me with just the right friends, with just the right words, and at just the right season of life. I like to say, "When God can't get my attention, He uses someone from my circle of friends to do the job." As iron sharpens iron, so my friends sharpen me (Proverbs 27:17). God has used these precious women to shape me into the woman I am today: a woman who loves Jesus fully and celebrates a wonderful life.

I spent the early years of my life living outside the circle of the "in-crowd," longing to be more than a spectator, wondering why I was never asked to be a member. My heart has always longed to have close, meaningful relationships with other women. Little did I know that the true desire of my heart was for something more than a friend to shop with at the mall's big sale or spend time listening to me complain about my life. God knew what I needed: women in my life who were bold enough to hold me accountable for the truth He was teaching me through His Word, even if it meant stepping on my toes. In His sovereignty, He knew I needed women who would be willing to walk this amazing adventure of faith beside me, keeping me on the narrow road.

I refer to my circle of friends as my "Peter, James and John." When Jesus walked the narrow road on earth, He had 12 disciples, but Peter, James and John shared personal experiences with the Savior to which the other disciples were not privileged (Matthew 17:1, Mark 5:37). Slowly and very intentionally, God has formed a similar inner circle of friends around me.

I have to say, I am surprised by the choices He has made. But then, Jesus chose fishermen to be in His circle and that turned out pretty well, don't you think? He chose women of various ages and seasons of life yet strong in the faith, each uniquely gifted to sharpen my walk with Him. Additionally, each woman has her own struggles and God has equipped me to minister to her.

Being a woman who always wore her feelings inside out, I never thought I would welcome or invite constructive feedback on situations in my life. Little by little God has toughened my skin, while softening my heart to accept the edge of the sword, the sword of His Word. Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (NIV)."

When I speak at women's events, I often talk about my "Peter, James and John." Many women come up to me afterwards longing to have their own close circle of friends and I’ve realized how desperate women are to have gal pals. God created women with the longing to be understood, validated, encouraged and loved. These needs are beautifully satisfied in the friendship of women.

If your longing for this type of friendship is as strong as mine was, then ask God for such a circle of friends. Other things you can do while you wait to build up a circle of friends include:

Actively pray

Ask God to help you be the kind of friend you desire to have.

Actively participate

Become involved in a Bible study or other types of special interest small group such as crafts or scrapbooking. If there isn't one around, and time permits, then start one yourself.

Actively Listen

Often God speaks in a whisper, and His whisper may lead you to an unexpected place to discover His answer.

I have learned to trust Him completely to bring and take away friends for certain seasons of life without the pressure of nurturing the friendships beyond my means. He has proven Himself faithful 100% of the time. I am sure He has a "Peter, James and John" waiting for you. They are just a prayer away.

Bridges to Oneness

2008-02-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

By Allan and Charlene Kidd

“That’s why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person” Genesis 2:24 (CEV).

This seems like a simple guideline in Scripture: You get married and become just like one person – thinking similar thoughts, living in perfect harmony, coming to argument-free agreement. Anyone married more than a week knows that it’s not that simple, and it’s definitely not without challenges. So how are we going to live out this commission from Scripture that two shall become one?

Although we were born on the exact same day and year, we are very different people. We both came from homes that were broken for various and different reasons, so our experiences and views of marriage were vastly different. For Charlene’s family, birthdays were celebrated with a lot of fanfare. There was a party, cake, ice cream, and lots of presents.

Allan’s family had a whole different perspective. Because his parents separated when he was young there wasn’t much emphasis on family milestones. He received only a phone call and maybe a card from his dad. Although the love was there, it was expressed differently.

These types of different experiences and expectations can lead to barriers in a relationship. To overcome these barriers, Allan has learned to give Charlene birthday presents and Charlene has taught Allan about the value of chocolate cake (or anything chocolate).

Throughout our 17 years of marriage, we both have had to remove barriers and build bridges to oneness. But how do you do that in today’s busy life? We all have work, church commitments, children and all their activities. When and how do you make time for God and your spouse? It has been said that people make time for what is important to them; however, the urgent sometimes gets in the way.

Here are some common barriers to oneness that couples experience:

Barriers to Oneness:

Concentrating on your spouse’s weaknesses. In most marriages one spouse’s weaknesses are the other’s strengths and vice versa.
Putting children, hobbies and work before each other and God. Proverbs 14:12 reminds us that our own ways and pursuits may seem logical and practical but they may not be God’s ways for us.
Wherever there’s a barrier, there’s an opportunity to build a bridge

Bridges to Oneness:

Embrace your differences and know God made you the way you are for a reason: Remember you were both made in God’s image (Gen 1:27) and because “we [each] are God’s workmanship” (Eph 2:10 NIV), we should treat each other as a gift from God.
Prioritize your time with God through dedicated prayer/quiet time and with your spouse through regular date nights: As we are told in Matthew 6:21, “Where ever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” We must treasure our relationship with God and our spouses.

In our relationship, Allan is very diplomatic and analytical, while Charlene is more emotional and feeling-driven. To build a bridge for our differences Allan has chosen to be more spontaneous, and Charlene has learned to step back momentarily before jumping headfirst into things. It is not always easy to make these adjustments, but it is vital to the long-term success of the marriage.

The bridge builder we use to prioritize our time together is to schedule regular date times. This has proven to keep the excitement and closeness in our relationship. Since we both have varied schedules, we look at our schedules weekly to set up a time that works best. We might have a lunch date one week, dinner another, and play nine holes of golf the next. Our time focused on each other is precious and productive, no matter when it is.

Another great tool we’ve found to break down barriers and build bridges in our marriage relationship is found in the principles Gary Chapman presents in “The Five Love Languages.” We’ve learned that each of us communicates love in one of five unique ways. Knowing how we show love, and how our spouse expects us to show love, can keep our “love tank” full. Allan’s primary love language is “words of affirmation” and Charlene’s is “acts of service.” One simple way Allan shows love for Charlene is by vacuuming the house. Charlene sends Allan encouraging emails, notes or a text message to let him know he is important.

God’s word commissions us as a married couple to become as one. By choosing to build bridges instead of barriers, we can all create relationships that are more joy-filled and productive. With God as the uniting link in our marriage relationships, no barrier can block our success.

Finding Significance in the Insignificant

2008-01-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

By Zoe Elmore

For my birthday this year, my husband Tom gave me a beautiful black and white striped jacket with hot pink lining. It was just what I had been hoping for. Now that I had the jacket, I just knew I needed the perfect pair of hot pink pumps to match its lining. I searched far and wide for three months to find the perfect pair of shoes that matched the jacket and my budget.

I realize this seems like an insignificant detail, but our God loves details and often finds ways to make significant life changes through seemingly insignificant details. Such was the lesson I learned again from these shoes.

Finally, one week before last year’s She Speaks conference, I spotted one pair of hot pink pumps on a lonely shelf on the clearance rack for $12.99. You guessed it! They matched the jacket, my budget and were just my size.

One week later I packed the jacket and shoes in my suitcase and headed to the conference. The second day of the conference is always a long one, and as I slipped on my new jacket, I hesitated to wear my new shoes for the very first time. The day is always jam-packed and a wardrobe change wouldn’t work. Pondering my wardrobe predicament, I heard the Lord whisper to my heart, “Wear the new shoes.” Being the obedient daughter I am (at least when it comes to fashion), I slipped on my new shoes and headed downstairs to begin the day.

During the afternoon I was introduced to a lovely, petite woman wearing a hot pink outfit. Her name was Pamela and she told me about the testimony she had given the preceding evening in her speaker’s group. Her story includes living with cerebral palsy. As a woman, she loves beautiful shoes, but she can wear only one style of athletic shoe and one style of black boots. She giggled as she shared, “When I get to heaven God is going to have a pair of hot pink pumps waiting for me.”

When Pamela finished her story, I took her by the hand, sat her down in a nearby chair and removed her socks and shoes. I slipped off my shoes and put her tiny delicate feet into my hot pink pumps. The shoes have a four inch high heel and they were at least three sizes too big for her petite frame, but I carefully maneuvered her toes and then her heels into the shoes.

My friends Rachel and Wendy joined in on the fun, and we flanked Pamela’s side. Rachel and I gently lifted Pam into a standing position. Wendy snapped a few pictures of Pamela in her hot pink pumps, then we sat her down and Pamela posed for a few glamour shots.

Sweet as this story is, the real significance was revealed that evening when Pamela heard the Lord whisper to her heart. God reminded Pamela to be as helpless before Him every day as she had been earlier that afternoon, when she was helpless to stand on her own in those hot pink pumps.

Pamela later told me about God’s message to her, and I was reminded of something Lysa TerKeurst said: “God paused for a moment in the scope of time to orchestrate an opportunity to encourage someone.” He didn’t need me to encourage Pamela. He could have chosen hundreds of ways to do that, but God gave me the privilege of participating.

How silly of me to think the Lord had provided those shoes just for my enjoyment. Before that day, I never would have guessed how He would use my shoes to make a significant difference in someone else’s life.

A few weeks after the conference, I was shopping when I spotted a pair of hot pink pumps which “just happened” to be Pamela’s size. I squealed out loud as I ran to scoop them up. A few days later I noticed a pair of hot pink bedroom slippers in her size. I mailed both pairs of shoes to Pamela. Although she is not able to walk in her hot pink pumps, Pamela told me she put them in her office as a reminder to stand helpless before the Lord every day.

God created me with a love for fashion. Although it seems insignificant in the grand scheme of life, God chose to use my unique style to bring encouragement and a loving message to another. God is a Master at creating significance out of the insignificant.

I’m reminded of 1 Peter 4:10: “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms” (NIV). This verse challenges me to look at all the gifts (spiritual and physical) in my life and consider how I am using them to bless others for God’s glory.

Hot pink shoes … who would have thought? What a wonderful and creative God we serve!

Christmas... Uggggh or Ahhhhhhh?

2007-12-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

By Lysa TerKeurst

Going into the attic

What a mess. I’ll put cleaning it out on my resolutions list in January. But, even as I write it down I know I probably won’t get around to it … again.

Digging through the attic

Opening one of the many unmarked Christmas decorations boxes, I discover that candles were stored in it last Christmas. Too bad there’s this season called “summer” that comes before Christmas rolls around again. Note to self: An attic that reaches temperatures upwards of 100 degrees is probably not the best place to store things made of wax.

Pulling down the fake tree

Trees weren’t meant to be manufactured by man. It amazes me that God makes trees every day. I only have to assemble one a year and get totally overwhelmed trying to figure out where the branches go. It would help to read the instruction manual, but one would have to know where said manual is to actually read it. I’m sure I put it in a safe place so I’d be able to find it and read it in all my spare time. The problem is I have too many safe spaces in my home. Note to self: Right after cleaning the attic in January, go buy a big … really big … plastic box, label it “Safe Place” and put things in it that you know you are otherwise going to lose.

Happy, happy, decorations time

Each year I have Norman Rockwell visions of our family decorating the tree. But my need for balance and order just won’t let me leave the tree the way my kids decorate it. So, I find myself chastising my need for perfection the whole time I’m moving my favorite ornaments to front and center, straightening the angel and hiding the ugly ornaments in the back of the tree. Of course the prettiest ornament will get broken, baby Jesus will go missing from the manger and all my candle holders will be void of candles because of my previously mentioned attic fiasco.

Menus Shmenus

People who are organized Christmas-people have these things called “menus.” They plan big parties with appetizers and nuts and homemade candies. I am more of a covered dish kind of girl. I don’t need a well-planned menu to make my stomach happy at celebration time. I just need to invite people to my gatherings who like to cook, then mask my laziness by calling it a covered-dish dinner. This is one of the most fantastic ways to have people over for holiday meals as long as you invite people who like the same kind of food you like. Note to self: Remember who brought that horrid pumpkin shrimp soup last year and cross her off the invite list. Oh wait, I think that might have been me in some insane moment of feeling slightly gourmet. Second note to self: In an effort to avoid any such inspired disasters, you are not allowed to watch the cooking channel during the holiday season.

Trinkets, treasures and that perfect gift for Grandma

I have two words for my shopping list this year… gift certificates. Enough said.

My attitude

Am I having a bad attitude for Christmas this year? Well, no, actually all of the above mentioned things used to prompt a bad Christmas attitude, but not this year. “It is what it is.” That’s my new Christmas motto. For me to write an article pretending that adding all this to my already overcrowded to-do list makes me happy, happy, happy, would be fake, fake, fake. So, it is what it is. Doing some of these things actually does make me happy. Some of them are truly annoying. But the most important part of it all is keeping the main thing the main thing. I love Jesus. I love my family. I love celebrating Jesus’ birthday even if my preparations for it will never be written up in the “Who’s Who for Christmas Planners.” It is what it is and that has helped me turn my Christmas Ugggh into a Christmas Ahhhhh!

For the Least of These

2007-11-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

By LeAnn Rice

“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” (Proverbs 31:20)

God’s heart for the poor and needy is clear throughout Scripture. So clear in fact that Jesus tells us when we serve “the least of these” in Matthew 25:40, we are actually serving God! It’s not that I forget verses like Colossians 3:12: “Clothe yourselves with compassion…” Or Matthew 5:7: “God blesses those who are merciful…” It’s just that somehow I got so wrapped up in my own little world that I was overlooking the fact that millions of people go to bed hungry each night.

In the past, I was so busy whining about my house being too small (not enough closets for all my stuff) that I was blind to how many people have no home at all. Is this the attitude God desires from me? Have I become so concerned with the contents of my closets that there’s no room for clothes of compassion, kindness and mercy?

God put a stop to my whining this past summer during a mission trip to Ecuador with ten members of the Proverbs 31 speaker team and Compassion International. Loaded down with food, school supplies and clothing, we were bringing much-needed supplies to the poorest of the poor. As ministry partners with Compassion International, we were also anxious to see the work they were accomplishing in Jesus’ name. What I saw was the love and hope that can only come from Jesus in the eyes of sponsored children. His love, in their eyes, opened mine.

From the moment I stepped off the bus at the first project center, I was swept into the presence of God. I met Ecuadorian Christians who are teaching children about Jesus while offering health care, tutoring, and vocational training through Compassion International. Most of these children live in small homes with dirt floors and no bathrooms. But they and their families have hope. They have been introduced to One who promises to never leave them, and His love shines brightly in their lives. They are grateful for what they have and willingly share their meager portions with those who have even less.

I was graciously welcomed into homes constructed of concrete, dirt and sheets of plastic. Homes with no running water or refrigeration. Homes where two to four children share a bed, and others sleep on mats on the floor. Homes that you and I would deem unlivable. Homes where all were welcome in the name of Jesus.

On Sunday morning, I sat on a creaky old wooden pew in a humble church in Pucará de Velásquez. Next to me sat a man whose eyes twinkled as he looked at me and said, “Amigo es Jesus.” My new friend and I worshiped together, unified through our relationship with our best friend, Jesus Christ. In a community where the average adult earns only $150 a month, far less than the cost of basic needs, this church overflows with songs of praise and worship. They don’t think about what they don’t have … they focus on what they do – they have Jesus and He’s enough.

The trip was soon over and I returned to my small house and asked myself some tough questions. Was I so dependent on the conveniences of my American lifestyle that I had become desensitized to the needs of anything or anyone outside of my small world? If I was stripped of all my worldly goods, would I be filled with as much hope as I saw in the eyes of the man with whom I shared a creaky, wooden pew in the mountains of Ecuador?

My journey to Ecuador had taken me from my small world and my overcrowded closets to homes with dirt floors and no plumbing. There I witnessed genuine compassion, kindness and mercy among the poorest of the poor and, as my blinders were removed, I was humbled beyond measure.

I pray that my “mission” trip remains so impressed on my heart that I never forget the God I met on that mountaintop – A God that wants us to share His compassion for “the least of these” – A God who is calling me and you to open our arms to the poor and extend our hands to the needy – a God who teaches us about Himself and His heart in the most unexpected places.

Featured Articles

2007-09-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

Categories

Faith
Home
Marriage
Parenting
Friends
Finances
Community
Seasonal
Other

Hearing God's Voice

2007-07-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

(Feature Articles from 2006 and part of 2007)

By: Lysa TerKeurst

I am always amazed that the God of the Universe pauses in the midst of His creation to touch and speak to our hearts. I believe each day God speaks to us. Sometimes He invites us to draw close and listen as He reveals Himself, His character and His direction. Other times He calls us to actively participate in His purposes. As I've shared my journey of radical obedience, people ask me how I know God is speaking to me.

The truth is there's no secret formula for discerning God's voice. But we can learn to recognize it the way we recognize the voices of those close to us - by knowing God personally and intimately. Then, we can tell if what we're feeling led to do is from Him or not.

Though I've never heard God's voice audibly, I hear from Him all the time. It is a certain impression on my heart that I've come to recognize. I've also learned to ask five key questions to determine if what I'm hearing is from God. Let me describe each of them so you can decide if the promptings of your heart are from the Father.

Does what I'm hearing line up with Scripture? God will not speak to us or tell us to do something that is contrary to His Word. But if we do not know Scripture, we will not be able to discern whether what we are hearing is consistent with it. Thankfully you don't need a seminary degree to read your Bible. If you are new to this, invest in a translation that is easy to understand with a built-in commentary, as well as a journal to record the verses you study. Compare it with your personal experiences and what you are learning as you read God's Word. It is the language of the Holy Spirit that helps us understand what God is saying to our hearts. It can transform the mind and prepare it for whatever God wants to tell us.

Is what I'm hearing consistent with God's character? As you read God's Word and come across verses revealing aspects of His nature, make note of them. He will not say things that are inconsistent with who He is. Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." The Spirit in us develops these character traits, just as they are found in the nature of Christ. When you feel God speaking to you, ask yourself, "Is what I'm hearing consistent with God's love, joy, peace, etc.?"

Is what I'm hearing being confirmed with other messages? When God is speaking to me about a particular issue, I cannot escape it. Around every corner is a sermon, a speaker's topic, or a conversation with a friend that is consistent with what I've been hearing in my time alone with Him. When we invest in spending time alone with God, He will speak to us, and what we hear from Him in these quiet times will be echoed in other places.
Is what I'm hearing beyond me? When God calls us to do something, most of the time we can't do it in our own strength - either it is beyond our ability or beyond our natural human desire. It is not something we can strategize and manipulate into being, in and of ourselves. It can only happen by God's divine intervention. Think about it - Abraham was old, Moses stuttered, Joseph was abused, and Rahab was a prostitute - and the beauty of each of their stories is that God alone worked miracles through them, and for that we give Him all the glory.

Would what I'm hearing please God? It's easy to talk ourselves out of thinking we've heard from God. We'll use pretty much any excuse to convince ourselves it's not His voice so we don't need to act. But there's one very important question to ask that takes away all our excuses: "Would this please God?" You see, if what you are doing pleases God, then even if what you thought you heard from Him wasn't His voice, you still please Him. If you are going to err, err on the side of making God happy.

The more you practice listening for God's voice, the more it becomes a natural part of your daily life. God wants you to hear Him and He wants your faith to grow. Live in expectation of hearing from God, and you will. Then respond with radical obedience.

With great joy,

Lysa

The Most Beautiful Scars

2007-07-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

By: Lysa TerKeurst

"Mommy, what are those silvery lines on your hips?" Brooke was inquiring about the stretch marks that are plentiful on my body; the result of birthing three of my five kids. She was studying them with intense curiosity, mixed with great concern as to what kind of horrible animal could have scarred me so severely. Even though I described the beauty of what the stretch marks represented to me, she couldn't get past how unsightly they were to her.

"Good thing those marks aren't on your feet where everyone would be able to see them," she quipped. Again, I stressed that the stretch marks were a beautiful reminder that my body was used in a sacrificial way to make her birth, and the birth of her two sisters, possible. It's the mark of the ultimate servant who gives her life to make new life possible for others. Not that I actually died in the process, but my unblemished body died during the rigors of pregnancy. Impressed with my own answer I responded, "Now don't you think they are beautiful?"

She wasn't in tune with my spiritual correlations and clever metaphors. "Mom," she started slowly, "you are beautiful; those marks … not so beautiful." Oh, the honesty of a six-year-old! Really, she's right in one sense. The marks themselves are not so beautiful. They are jagged, uneven, discolored signs that my skin was stretched almost beyond what it could bear. It was stretched so thin that it will never be the same.

I stood in front of the mirror and continued to examine the stark evidence of my past pregnancies. A strange sense of pride welled up in my heart as I realized these scars made me like Jesus in a way. I gave my life to make new life possible. I carried these new lives and took on their weight. I was stretched almost beyond what I could bear. My experience left me scarred and forever marked. But the product of these scars is a joy I could not have gotten any other way.

It still moves me to tears to think about Jesus' scars. It is amazing that the God of the universe would care so much for me that He would allow His Son, Jesus, to give up His life for me.

While I have not been called upon to physically die for my children, I have been called to die to the selfishness that characterized my life before kids. Life was about me back then. My schedule, my needs, my wants, my time, my money, my desires, my dreams and my plans dictated how I spent my life. But that is not what God wanted for me. He wanted my life to be about Him and His plans for me. In marched not one, not two, not three, not four but five little beings to make sure I am reminded on a daily basis that the pathway to joy is paved with little stones of service that when carefully laid one right beside another lead to great places.

Braiding this one's hair. Tying that one's shoes. Fixing this one his favorite cookies. Changing another's diaper. Taking one out for coffee. Cheering another at her sporting events. Praying this one through a hard time. Washing that one's clothes. Dusting this one's room. Cleaning up that one's spilled drink. Teaching this one to roller skate. Planning this one's birthday party. Helping another one catch a frog. Putting a Band-Aid on this one's scraped knee. And that's just one day in the life of a mom.

I am convinced there is no greater way to model the heart of God for our kids than to serve our families with a happy heart. Not that we are to become our children's slaves. That would teach them laziness and disrespect. But to model for them the joy that can be found in giving our lives in service to our Lord and others. When we model this joy for our kids, we set the standard for what we expect from them. I expect my kids to have a good attitude when serving family members and others. I want for them what I have discovered - when you serve, you look a lot like Jesus.

Jesus gave His very life so I could find new life. My scars therefore, are precious reminders, real treasures of my service that started the moment of my children's conception and continues to this day. Giving my body gave my kids a chance at life. Modeling Jesus' example of service points them to the new life they can have in Christ. They don't have to fall prey to the selfishness that reigns in this world.

I don't have to be a victim to the selfishness that screams for attention either. I become a giving person by giving. I become a caring person by caring. I become like Jesus by acting like Jesus. Not by thinking about it. Not by making promises to do it. But by the act itself.

Just as these acts change me permanently, my scars also are a permanent marking. Trust me, I know how permanent they are. Before I came to appreciate their beauty, I tried all kinds of creams and lotions that promised to reduce the appearance of scars. Some even boldly claimed to heal stretch marks. I became a marketing statistic as I bought their empty promises. No amount of cream, no amount of rubbing, and no amount of wishing them away worked. They've become permanent residents on my hips. So, since I can't change it, I have chosen to embrace these symbols of my courageous attempt at motherhood.

Jesus embraced His scars as well. And now for all of us, they are symbols of His courageous success of becoming the Savior of the world. After His resurrection, He could have come back without the pierced scars on His hands, feet and side, yet He left them there. The rest of His body was whole and healed, so why leave these scars? While theologians could argue this question, I think He left them because He wanted to. He came to love not the scars themselves, but what the scars accomplished. He was called to be the Savior of the world and He did it. I am called to be a mom, and I'm doing it.

Let's face it - motherhood is a stretching experience whether we are talking about our physical bodies, our mental capacity or our spiritual outlook. But it brings me such joy to see the correlations between my service to my children and what Jesus has done for me that I thought it worth pondering. Whether you birthed your children through your body or through your heart by adoption, you have served … you have sacrificed … you have been stretched.

Ponder today the gifts behind the markings and scars of motherhood…

I looked at the older woman and wondered what it meant.
Do we tell with our body about the life we've spent?
The wrinkles on her face, the posture of her back.
The fingers softly bent, and the joy in her laugh.
I'd seen other faces marked with a frown and scorn.
Their presence seemed quite harsh and their spirit very worn.
But in this woman there was beauty despite the evidence of time.
The peace in her cloudy eyes and laughter behind the laugh lines.
She had a grace about her though her body was now slow.
For she had learned the joy of being and in her heart she knows,
She spent her life in celebration choosing joy to be found.
In whatever life gave her she stood on His solid ground.
Lord, may the markings on my body be like hers in some way,
That I lived and loved and laughed and celebrated every single day.

This article is taken from Lysa's upcoming book: "The Bathtub is Overflowing But I'm Completely Drained." This is a book no mom should miss reading! To pre-order your signed copy see the back page of this issue. This book is due to be released with Harvest House Publishers July 1 and includes a Bible study at the end of every chapter.

My Daddy

2007-07-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

by: Lysa TerKeurst

Do you ever have those moments when deep in your heart you wonder, who am I? Do I really matter? Is God pleased with my life? Is He pleased in the way I am fulfilling my roles as a wife and mom?

Most days I click right along and these questions don't demand my attention. But then something happens and they rush in to the forefront of my thoughts. Someone criticizes me. One of my kids gets in trouble at school. I forget to do the laundry my husband needed. I meant to have a quiet time but got distracted. A friend lets me know her disappointment in me.

It's in these stinging times that I'm forced to remember not to define myself by the circumstances that come my way, but rather by God's truth.

I am a child of God. I am loved. I am significant. Not because of who I am but because of Whose I am. Not because I never fall flat on my face, but because when I mess up I know Whose face to seek. God is tender and loving as He corrects me, assures me, and shows me where to go from here.

As a small child, I wanted nothing more than to have my Daddy assure me of his love and affirm my worth. I remember standing beside his chair, twirling around, while my heart cried out for his attention. While my earthly Daddy didn't notice me, my Heavenly Daddy did. Throughout my whole life, God has brought experiences my way, that if I'll notice His hand in it, reveal the depth of His love for me.

Last summer, I had the privilege of attending the Billy Graham crusade in New York City with Billy's daughter, Ruth. Ruth and I have been friends and prayer partners for several years.

We met and instantly bonded at a women's conference where we both spoke. To me, she is just Ruth; my friend with whom I laugh, cry, pray and experience life. I often forget about the celebrity status of her family.

But at the crusade, there was no forgetting. Famous people were all around us as we made our way through the crowd to our reserved seats. My 11-year-old daughter Hope, who was with me, kept exclaiming, "Mom, there is Amy Grant and Vince Gill! Mom, there are the Clintons who used to live in the White House!" I just played it cool, but on the inside I was as amazed as she was.

I also kept wondering, "Who am I? I don't belong here with all these famous people." But as the questions and doubt started to creep in, Ruth handed us badges to wear around our necks, allowing us access to a private seating area. All the famous people had them on. However, our badges had a gold star on the bottom corner. I quickly realized the meaning of this gold star as we walked past the famous people and sat with the Graham family. We didn't just have special seating passes. The gold star meant we were part of the family.

I sat down and wiped away the tear that started to make its way down my cheek. I looked up to Heaven and winked at my Heavenly Daddy who once again reminded me of Whose I am. His voice was so tender and sweet, as He once again whispered, "You are mine and you are loved."

During this month when we celebrate fatherhood, don't forget to celebrate God being your Heavenly Daddy. Look for His activity in your life and listen for His sweet reminders that you are His and you are loved.

Rejoicing in His amazing love,
Lysa

Little Comforts of Refreshment

2007-07-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

By: Lysa TerKeurst

"A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men."
Roald Dahl,
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"

We have a special tradition in our home of an afternoon treat. Now, a nutritionist may or may not agree with me, but I think it's a most heart healthy habit. Not that our treats are always that healthy, mind you. These treats are "heart" healthy for how they create moments of joy in the midst of busy schedules, projects that are due, activities to attend and chores to be done. It's a little burst of comfort that I, as a mom, delight in giving my children. It says, I love you …

I think about ways to make you happy … and I consider it a privilege to enjoy a treat with you.

I remember as a little girl my mom making ginger snap cookies for me. Oh how these cookies made me happy. To this day, the smell of ginger makes me smile. If these little treats made me so happy as a child, why do they have to stop? I mean, why is it that I sometimes think motherhood is all about what I do for others and never stop to think of the wonderful benefits of treating myself?

Yes, I think it is the best kind of refreshment to let the Lord fill you. But, just like giving treats to my kids makes me happy, I think our Heavenly Father would like us to consider things that make us happy as a treat from Him.

There has been so much talk about the difference between joy and happiness in the Christian world that many of us shy away from happiness. Now granted, none of the things on my list provide me with lasting joy, but they sure can lighten a heavy moment of feeling drained. So, why not make a list of things that really make you feel happy? Then the next time you are feeling a little drained put together a care package for yourself and thank God for His sweet treats. Here are some of the things on my list:

Cinnamon Altoids Gum

Black gel pen-medium point

A candle that smells of the season

New pair of white socks

Lemon flavored Propel

Brownies from a box mix

Dryer sheets-fresh spring scent

Inspirational CD

Cup of White Chocolate Mocha, skim, no whip, no foam, extra hot

Thank you God for these simple treats that make me happy. Help me give myself permission to receive these treats as a simple reason to give thanks to You and make my heart happy.

Another important and practical thing I do for refreshment is to make sure I always have something to look forward to. Maybe it is a date with my husband, a night out with the girls, having time to work on my scrapbook, getting my hair done in the salon, or even something as simple as taking a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. Sometimes it is a bigger thing like a vacation or getting to shop for something I've saved up to buy. But whatever it is, having something to look forward to is the little glimmer of better things that gets me over the hump of hard things. It's just the pick-up my heart needs when life seems full of mundane chores, whiney complaints, and yet another mess to pick up. So look up, look forward, and put something on the horizon that will make you smile.

Finally, rid yourself of the "Hoarder Disorder!" You've heard the old expression of Save the Best for Last. Well, I think we do too much of this and never just savor what we have. Think about that candle that cost a little too much but you just loved the way it smelled. So, you bought it but only burn it for company. No, no, no! Go get it right now and burn it because you like the way it smells. Just burn it for you.

A friend of mine recently shared with me that she was at a scrap booking party where she shared her hesitancy to use her "good" stickers. A lady quipped back at her, "You've got hoarder disorder and you need to get over it. Pull those stickers out right now and use them. What in the world are you really saving them for?"

How true! Do we really think when we are old and gray that there is going to be some kind of contest at the retirement home? The announcer steps up on the rickety stage and pulls the squeaky microphone close, "Whoever has the most unburned, good smelling candles gets an extra bingo card."

I don't want an extra bingo card 50 years from now. I want to be a happy person. I want to be a mother with a smile on her face. I want to teach my kids that it doesn't mean you are a worldly person if you happen to find a little joy in the things of this world that bring your heart comfort.

So, be refreshed my friend. Put together a little care package of happy things for yourself. Put something on your calendar to look forward to and don't save your best for last.

Victoria's Little Secret

2007-07-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

by: Lysa TerKeurst

Okay, confession time ladies. Victoria's got a little secret, and I'm not in on it! This newfound knowledge came to me last week with the treasure I found while cleaning my office. I was making great progress when suddenly I spotted an envelope with hearts all over the outside and a certificate inside.

I was thrilled to have found this unexpected surprise, I eagerly opened it and found it was a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. "Oh her," I thought, a little disappointed. Not that I don't like sweet little Victoria, it's just that she is a reminder that my post-kid body leaves a lot to be desired. The thought of wearing something scratchy, overly revealing and undersized just doesn't motivate me to make a special trip to the mall.

I guess when I got the gift certificate, I filed it away with good intentions to use it when my taste buds died, my body shrunk, and muscles suddenly appeared in all the right places. So, when had I gotten this little gift? Upon closer investigation, I doubled over in laughter as I realized the certificate was over 10 years old! My husband came over to see what was so funny and I handed him the paper. He found no humor in the situation and offered to take it off my hands and use it to buy me a gift. I just smiled at him and requested that he remember two things on his shopping trip: warmth and comfort! Does Victoria make flannel PJ's?

Whether it is because of changes in our bodies, sleep deprivation, time constraints, financial pressures, or a myriad other things, marriage changes after kids. But it doesn't have to be for the worse. We must still make our marriage a priority and watch it grow stronger through the kid-years. After all, one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the security of a solid love relationship between Mom and Dad.

We know this with our heads, but the realities of life make it easy for marriages to slip into what I call "business-partner mode." You are doing life together and sharing responsibilities, but your relationship is void of the romantic spark that keeps a marriage exciting and thriving. Finding that 10-year-old certificate was a wake-up call for me to take an honest assessment of where the romance barometer was registering in my marriage. And to be honest, we were found lacking.

Somewhere between two hectic schedules we'd stopped getting intentional with our love life. Soccer games, gymnastics meets, school projects, serving in ministry, home repair projects, yard work, running a business, paying the bills are all important things, but they had crowded out time for Art and me to just be together.

So, instead of hoping things will magically reignite and get better, I've decided to actively pursue a richer relationship with my husband. It will be a matter of choice, not chance. Here are some of my newly resolved choices:

1. Seduce him.
Oh, gasp! Is that allowed in a Christian magazine? Absolutely! I know when my husband has been left wanting for too many days in a row, he gets cranky! So, I thought about what makes me just as cranky. The answer is food, or the lack thereof. When I'm really hungry and can't get some food, my perception of everything gets skewed and my mood sours. This is true for most women, so to continue this analogy, imagine for a minute that your husband was your only source for food. But, every time you went to him to get this nourishment you not only want but need, he responded, "Not now. I'm too tired. I have a headache." It would be quite irritating.

When I think about this scenario, it breaks my heart to think of how often my husband comes to me for the intimate nourishment that he not only wants but needs, and I don't respond. So I'm challenging myself to make the intimate needs of my husband a priority. God says that sex inside marriage is a gift and through it He blesses the husband and the wife. Most husbands would love it if their wives were a little more intentional about initiating intimate connections, so seduce him!

2. Serve him.
Oh, I can feel eyes rolling on this one. However, I've discovered that my husband sees me serving all kinds of people … our kids, the women at Proverbs 31 Ministries, friends and neighbors. But when is the last time I really looked for something he wanted and did it for him? Sometimes the thing we least want to do in our marriages might be the very thing that could help our relationships most.

A friend of mine doesn't like to cook, but a homemade meal means the world to her husband. Recently, I encouraged her instead of trying to convince him his expectations are unrealistic, to make it a priority to make him feel respected and loved by cooking for him. It was what she least wanted to do, but after she cooked her husband a delicious meal, the smile on his face and the pep in his attitude gave her the motivation to pull out her cookbooks more often. Instead of getting offended the next time your spouse asks if you can do something to better meet his expectations, why not see it as an opportunity to invest in your marriage? It's worked wonders for my friend's marriage and it just might work wonders for yours as well.

3. Simply be sweet to him.
Why is it that I can be so kind to strangers and then - just seconds later - impatient and unkind to those I love most? Unfortunately that old saying is true, "Familiarity breeds contempt." I don't want short fuses, quick tempers and rushed conversations to be the legacy I build with my husband. The Bible tells us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV). I have to not only desire to be kind to the ones I love, but I have to choose to do so each moment, reaction by reaction. I have to think about my words before I speak and ask myself, "Am I being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry?" If this is what I really want for all my interactions with my husband, then I've got to make the choice to swallow my quick wit and cutting remarks, and simply be sweet!

So, my little hidden gift certificate actually has served me well. It was a sign that I need to make some adjustments and investments. I think I'll ask Art if I can accompany him to the mall. And no, I won't be in search of flannel. Maybe I'm starting to clue in to Victoria's little secret after all.

Where Are You God?

2007-07-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

by: Lysa TerKeurst

Okay, be completely honest with me. Have you ever felt frustrated with God? Have you ever prayed and prayed over a situation in your life and felt ignored by Him? You want to put on the super-sunny Christian expression that says all is well. You want to quote Scriptures and unearth the deeper purposes for this hard circumstance, but in the depths of your heart what you really want to do is scream, "It's not fair!"

We don't like hard places. Our souls long for the perfection of the Garden of Eden designed for us. However, the world we live in bounces us from one imperfection to the next. Soon we find ourselves empty and exhausted trying to fix problems that interrupt, inflict pain and break our hearts. We find ourselves frustrated with God, knowing He could fix this problem. With one snap of His Holy Hand He could heal the hurts, rearrange the circumstances, restore the broken places and provide a way out. So why doesn't He?

The answer is simple: because He loves us too much to leave us the way we are. Think about a baby inside his mother's womb. He is warm and well fed. He likes this place of security and safety but there comes a time he must leave. He must go through the painful shock of being birthed. Though it is hard, if he resists he will reach a place where growth is no longer possible and death is certain.

Our spiritual lives are very much the same. We must continue to pursue growth and embrace God's plans for the life we've been given. It's not about changing the circumstances we feel should be different. It's about embracing God's plans for the circumstances and allowing Him to have His full way in us. God wants to work out the kinks and imperfections in the core of your soul to help you find a perspective beyond your own. Only then can you find incredible peace in the storms of life.

The enemy to having a great life is not tragedy, heartbreak or hard times. The enemy to having a great life is to simply lead a good life; a life where you seek comfort and ease above growth; a life where you avoid the risk of taking chances with God. The problem is we live in a fallen world where it is impossible to avoid every pothole in the road of life. Whether you lead a great life or a good life, you will have hard times. You will get bumped and bruised, but you don't have to get bewildered. Say "yes" to God now. Say "yes" to whatever He brings your way, and seek Him whole-heartedly through it. Ponder what He is teaching you. Surrender what He is requiring from you. And know that He is working out His plans for you behind the scenes. His amazing, wonderful, good and perfect plans are being worked out for you right now!

This hard place you are in is not a distraction. It's not you being sidetracked. It is His way. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV). You've probably heard this verse quoted time and again but put it in context with the verses after it you'll see the call to not only trust God but to have peace in knowing He will carry you through. Verses 12- 14 go on to say, "'Then you will call on me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity.

I will gather you from all nations and places where I have banished you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.'"

My favorite call to action here is to "seek God with ALL your heart." Not just the parts of your heart crying for ease. Not just the parts of your heart crying for restoration. But find that place in your heart eager for growth and let it cry out as well. Embrace this perfect plan and you will find God, see His plan from His perspective, and be able to rest in the peace right in the middle of the storm. In the meantime, my favorite promise here from God is that He will carry us. He carried us into this hard place, this exile of sorts, and He will carry us back out.

This is a season of growth. This is a part of the plan. His plan will not be hard all the way through. Continue to call on Him in great confidence realizing that nothing, no hard place, can separate you from God's comforting presence and boundless mercy. This will soon pass and on the other side waits rich perspectives, beautiful growth and yes, stronger faith.

Blessings, Lysa

I'm Tired of Serving Others

2007-07-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

by: Lysa TerKeurst

Why can't it be all about me today? I'm tired of constantly driving my kids around, running to the grocery store several times a week, cooking, picking up the dry cleaning, paying for everyone's activities, making costumes, setting appointments, helping keep everyone's schedule straight, assisting with homework projects, thinking of all the family details, and chasing after the dog who loves to run away. Being the woman of the household gets exhausting, especially when you feel under-appreciated, overworked and stretched way too thin. When I start feeling this way, I know it's time to make time for me. Not that life becomes all about me. But at times it's important to break away from the daily grind and let Jesus refresh me.

Mark 12: 30-31 says, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these" (NIV). Often we rush through this verse and park our thoughts on "love your neighbor." For women, our closest neighbors are the ones who live under our roof. Then, we love people who live around us, go to church with us, and those we interact with. While it is good to fulfill the "love others" part of the verse, if we don't balance it with the rest of this verse, we'll start to feel drained and grumpy.

First, we are told to love the Lord with everything in us. Think about all the things you did for your family to show them love this past week. Now contrast that with what you've done to show Jesus you love Him. How much time have I spent praising Him by singing worship songs and quoting Scripture? Have I taken time to talk to Him about my concerns, fears, challenges, expectations, plans, hopes and dreams? Have I even cracked open my Bible in the past couple of days for the sole purpose of wanting to hear from the Lord? Not just doing my obligatory Bible reading, but reading the Scriptures as a treasured love letter from my Beloved Savior.

Next we are told to love our neighbors as ourselves. The assumption here is that we "love ourselves." Not that we are self-centered and absorbed with our wants and desires, but that we take care of ourselves and make time to refresh and refuel.

When a vehicle's gas tank is low on fuel, the dashboard indicators warn that the car is almost out of gas. If the driver ignores the warning signal, the vehicle eventually breaks down. This is true for us. If we ignore the warning signals that we are running on empty, we will begin to wear down. Even if we can still go through the motions of life, our attitude and emotional outlook will suffer greatly.

How can we tell we are running on empty? Here are a few warning signs: a short temper, feeling that life is spinning out of control, having a sense of dread when waking up in the morning, missing appointments, feeling invaded when someone asks a favor, and having a hard time controlling your emotions. I know these well because I have to guard my time and my emotional energy by taking time to love God and myself.

Do you feel as though you're running low and need to veer out of the fast lane for a bit? Why not pull out your calendar and get intentional by scheduling time to spend with God and time to do things for yourself as well.

This is not being selfish. A wise person told me one of the best things I could do for my family is to take good care of myself. Then, instead of serving others from a grumpy, grumbling heart, I can serve from a heart overflowing with God's peace and joy.

Thank God for Smelly Shoes

2007-07-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

by: Lysa TerKeurst

The art of thanksgiving is one that we should teach our children. I'm not talking about how to cook pumpkin pie and turkey. I'm not talking about decorating with cornucopias, dried corn stalks and scarecrows. What I'm suggesting goes beyond setting a candlelit table with fancy linens and fine silver. While those are all artistic ways of expressing the day of Thanksgiving, I'm talking about the attitude of thankfulness that can be so easily overlooked. I'm talking about the art of saying "thank you," every day.

I am so blessed. But I sometimes get so distracted by the blessings that I forget to thank the One who delivers them. Do I see the loving husband I've been blessed with or do I just grumble about his faults? Do I see the creative child I am blessed with or do I just grumble about her artistic messes? It's easier to grumble about the sweaty laundry, than see the health of a son who can play sports. Do I see the home I am blessed to have, or do I grumble about the constant chores to keep it clean? Sometimes I'm more tempted to murmur about the many housekeeping chores I have, than to be grateful for the home and the ample supply of food we have.

I decided I wanted to get more intentional with expressing my thankfulness. I also wanted to get more intentional with developing an attitude of thankfulness in my children. I want the words thank you to fall so easily from their lips that it's second nature. I would like for them to thank the Lord for people they know, and even those they don't, with ease.

Realizing I must model what I teach, I decided to assess how thankful I really am. As I made a mental list of those things I was thankful for, I became distracted with the unusual number of out-of-place shoes scattered about my home. Not so spiritual, I know. But the shoes seemed to be coming out of the woodwork and screaming for my attention. I went from having a full heart focused on God to becoming a grumbling woman feeling frustrated and drained. How many times do I have to pick up shoes? Is this what the journey of motherhood will be like for me? A never-ending cycle of picking up shoes and putting them back, again…and again.

From where I was sitting, I counted over 14 pairs of shoes. Upon further inspection, they were everywhere - by the back door, the front door, in the laundry room, in the hallway, in the kitchen, by the dog dish, on the stairs, in the guest bathroom, in my bathroom, on the floor in the kids' bedrooms and even in the linen closet. To say I was frustrated was an understatement. Visions of chore charts and consequences for leaving things out and about, danced through my mind. I even went so far as to think this was yet more evidence that my kids are not as thankful as they should be. Kids who were truly thankful for their shoes would care enough to tuck them into their closets.

As I mentally chided my children for their ungratefulness, I felt God gently give me a piece of my own reprimand. Was I modeling thankfulness in this moment? Was I exemplifying the gratitude I wanted my children to experience in their lives? Scattered shoes are a normal, everyday thing with a hidden treasure about them. It's all in how I choose to look at these shoes which will determine whether I feel drained and frustrated or filled up and thankful.

I stopped and thanked God for these shoes … this evidence of life. Some had grass and dirt on them as proof our kids are healthy and strong enough to run and play. Some had scuffmarks from one too many dances on the concrete outside. Some had teeth marks from our beloved dog, Champ, whose favorite pastime is chasing kids, balls and stray shoes. One had paint on it from a school project. But all were well-worn, broken in, and definitely used.

So, here I am, making life's journey in this season with soccer cleats, princess shoes, basketball high tops, teenager wanna-be boots, kitten bedroom slippers and gymnastics flip flops. It's funny how these shoes tell stories of life, if only I choose to listen. Games won and lost, girlhood fantasies, dreams of the future, comforts of home, and expressions of style.

Maybe you've felt a little frustrated with the shoes scattered about your home as well. But the next time you pick them up, instead of letting frustration whisk you away, listen carefully to the story they tell. Listen carefully and thank God for each and every precious soul that wears those shoes.

So, what about my thankful list?

I eventually got back to that. I'm thankful for the gift of our Savior.

I am thankful for my husband and kids. I am thankful for friends and extended family. I am thankful for our home, full of life and lots of activity. And strangely enough, I'm really thankful for shoes … especially the smelly ones!

Rejoicing in His Amazing Love,

Lysa

This article is taken from Lysa's book, "The Bathtub is Overflowing, But I Feel Drained," available through Proverbs 31 Ministries.,

You're The One I Want!

2007-07-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

By: Renee Swope

Christmas was only days away and we still didn't have a tree. Living on a college-student's budget with our first child on the way made it hard to justify spending $25-$50 on something we wanted, but didn't really need. Yet, with each passing day, my husband J.J. and I wondered what Christmas would be like without a decorated tree.

Even though it seemed trivial, I told God how sad I felt that we couldn't afford a tree. Then I felt guilty since there were so many people who needed much more than we did. I knew telling God would make me feel better, and I hoped He wouldn't think that asking for a tree was a selfish request. So, I asked and God provided. On the way home from church the Sunday before Christmas we saw a sign at a nearby tree lot announcing that all trees were reduced to $10!

As soon as my husband came home from work Monday evening, we hurried to the lot. There were only a few rows of trees to choose from, and I wanted the perfect one. So we walked down each row to find just the right spruce to fit in the corner of our one-bedroom apartment. Unfortunately, I lingered too long in indecision. The sun went down quickly, the spotlights turned off and the lot was suddenly dark. Here we were with our $10, and several trees to choose from, but we couldn't see any of them.

My creative, (and very patient,) husband decided to pull our car into the rows of trees and turn on his high beams. The bright lights broke through the darkness and standing right in front of me was the most precious little tree I had ever seen. Although it had some droopy branches and a gap on one side, I knew it was the tree for me. I pointed my finger and said, "That's the one I want!"

Since a pregnant woman will bond with almost anything, I immediately connected with that cute little spruce pine. That night I sat on the couch looking at it, grateful for not only the tree, but for the tangible reminder of God's concern for both the big and little things that matter to me.

I thought about how sad I felt earlier when the darkness made it impossible to see the Christmas trees. Then the beams of light illuminated the lot, and my heart filled with hope again. Etched in my mind was a picture I would never forget, an image that drew me back to another time marked by darkness.

It was a time when I was not the one choosing, but the one who needed to be chosen. For nearly 20 years I had searched for someone, or something, that would make me feel valuable.

Just when I thought all hope was gone, God's light pierced the shadows surrounding my heart and illuminated His love into my life. It happened on another winter's eve when my Heavenly Daddy looked at me and said, "That's the one I want!"

At some point in our lives, each of us can identify with that little tree. Scarred by disappointments, we wonder if anyone will ever choose us. With gaps that mark us as candidates for rejection, we hope others won't see the holes in our hearts. Like my little spruce, it seems the only way we'll ever get chosen is if all the "good" ones are picked first.

Christmas is the time when God invites us to pause and remember that He chose to send His Son to light our darkness. First Peter 2:9 reminds us that we are chosen too: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light" (NIV). God has chosen us, and called us His own.

That spruce pine and I had a lot in common, and to this day, many years later, it's still my favorite Christmas tree!

Renee Swope is a speaker for Proverbs 31 Ministries. For a list of her topics or for more information about scheduling her for an event, visit her blog at www.ReneeSwope.com.

The Pineapple Lesson

2007-07-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

by: Lysa TerKeurst

Let's face it … a pineapple is only sweet to eat if you know how to get inside it! For years I didn't have a clue about how to cut a pineapple. I walked by the produce aisle looking at the fresh pineapples with longing. I wanted what was inside; I just didn't know how to get beneath its tough outer skin. I had visions of slicing and dicing, dripping with sticky juice and completely mangling the fruit so that even the dog wasn't tempted to partake. So, unless someone else was serving it, I simply settled for the canned version. At least I knew how to operate my can opener!

One day I watched a friend accomplish what I thought impossible. She didn't miss a beat as she sliced with ease. First she cut off the top and then the bottom. Next, she sliced the cylinder into four equal pieces. She then slid the knife along the back edge to cut off the skin and along the pointed center to remove the . Laying the long wedges on the cutting board, she chopped them into bite size pieces and viola! Fresh cut pineapple was served. Watching her gave me courage to try it on my own. Finally, I was able to help myself to the yummy fruit.

This might sound a bit strange, but learning to cut a pineapple became a real life lesson for me. More than just the skill of wielding the knife around a tropical fruit, I learned I had bought into the notion there were some things I just couldn't do. I was challenged by the thought that I might be missing out on a lot in life because I had talked myself into thinking some things were impossible.

Mark 10:27 reminds us that with God, all things are possible. If we ask for God's help, we dedicate our endeavor to Him. We admit that in our strength this would not be possible, but we proclaim that God can accomplish anything through someone who is willing. We put God's courage into our hearts with His truth. We retrain our minds by taking the words "I can't" out of our vocabulary.

So, I'm tackling some of the major, I can'ts in my life. Throughout this year, you'll be reading about my progress in areas that have troubled me for years. I'll be gut honest about my struggles with weight loss, organization, reining in my temper, and several others. I'll also be sharing stories from other women who have faced a challenge head on and decided to turn her I can't into I'll conquer! Maybe you have a story you'd like to submit. I'd love for you to write us and send it to our mailing address … who knows, maybe you'll be featured in an upcoming issue of the "P31 Woman"!

This month it was a pineapple but trust me, next month we're tackling something a little more "sticky"… a woman's romantic desire for her husband. My thought is we Christian women should be honest about our struggles, but not be content with just staying there. Let's motivate and spur one another on to greater heights with God. Everything about our lives should proclaim, "With God all things are possible!"

Oh, and the next time you see a fresh pineapple, buy it! Cut it open and let its fruit inspire you with the truth that there is sweet victory on the other side of every conquered challenge.